


Who's Eren?

by lyrasprinkles



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Armin is a good Friend, Awkward Jean, Bullied Mikasa Ackerman, Character Development, Dork Jean Kirstein, Eren is missing, F/M, Fantasy, Friendship, Hizuru (Shingeki no Kyojin), Memory Alteration, Mikasa Ackerman & Levi Are Related, Mysterious Disappearance, Mystery, POV Mikasa Ackerman, Possibly Unrequited Love, Romance, Slow Burn, Volunteer Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:35:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 36,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25704493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyrasprinkles/pseuds/lyrasprinkles
Summary: Eren Yeager had changed her life, and Mikasa had fallen in love with him.Everyone around her knew him and knew how she felt about him.So why were they looking at her like they didn't know who he was? Why was she the only one who was aware of his existence?(In which Mikasa looks for someone who doesn't exist while dealing with her racial and cultural identity and trying to figure out why Jean is being so nice)
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman/Eren Yeager, Mikasa Ackerman/Jean Kirstein
Comments: 27
Kudos: 67





	1. Ret-Gone

**Author's Note:**

> This story discusses racial identity and deals with issues of racism towards people of East Asian descent. Please do not read if you are sensitive to such material.
> 
> This chapter contains mentions of a racial slur towards people of East Asian descent.

Mikasa Ackerman sighed contentedly.

Two years ago, if she had known her life would be this good and she would be happy, she wouldn’t have believed it. Mikasa had never been one for optimism and hope. She used to wallow in self-pity and self-loathing, that it had taken a tragedy and a special person to turn things around.

She clicked a button and muted her phone before placing it on the nightstand next to her. Tomorrow was her birthday, and while she knew that some of her friends would want to wish her at midnight, she was not a night owl and couldn’t be bothered to stay up. Besides, university entrance exams were coming up next month and she had planned to do a bit of studying before school the next morning.

She smiled to herself before she drifted off to sleep.

_Now, all I need is for him to accept my confession tomorrow. That would be the best birthday gift ever and life would be perfect._

***

The next morning, when her alarm woke her up to study, the first thing she did was check her phone for birthday texts. There were missed calls from Sasha, Armin and Connie, texts from all three of them and some of her classmates and club members. Even Levi had texted, which surprised her because he wasn’t the type of person to do that sort of thing. His thoughtfulness made her smile.

Weirdly enough, there was even a text from an unknown number which had signed itself as Jean. Huh. Mikasa hadn’t expected him to remember her birthday, given that they weren’t that close. She shrugged. Probably Sasha’s doing.

There was a birthday wish from everyone who mattered, except from him, the person who mattered the most.

A pang of sadness hit her.

Oh well. It wasn’t a big deal. Eren had been working extra hard at soccer lately, and he, like everyone else in their class, was busy preparing for exams too. He must’ve been too tired to stay up.

That’s what she told herself, despite knowing that Eren liked to stay up watching soccer highlights before bed. _He’s just tired. He’ll wish me later at school. Then, I’ll ask him if he wants to hang out after practice. We’ll get pancakes and I’ll confess to him._

Nodding to herself, she switched on her laptop to begin studying.

***

“MIKASAAAAA~”

Mikasa shut her desk as the person singing, on seeing her in the classroom, raced up to her to glomp her from the back.

“Personal space, Sasha,” Mikasa choked, as Sasha’s arms threatened to cut off circulation to her body.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” Sasha sang, hugging Mikasa tighter before letting her go. “You’re finally eighteen!”

“You can now drive and enter karaoke places and game centres after 10 PM,” Armin had been standing behind Sasha, his entrance ignored in Sasha’s excitement. He gave her a quick hug. “Welcome to the club. Happy birthday, Mikasa.”

“Thank you,” she nodded at Armin and Sasha. “Because that was totally what I was worried about. Karaoke places and game centres.”

Homeroom was about to begin. Where was Eren? Mikasa was confused. Surely he should’ve been here by now? He hadn’t texted her yet, either. She glanced at the back door of the classroom.

Sasha followed her gaze. “Oh, Connie says happy birthday too! He said he’d be late, he overslept again.”

“Oh, Connie. Yeah.” Mikasa said distractedly. Before she could ask about Eren’s whereabouts, the front door slid open and their homeroom teacher appeared.

***

While Connie had sheepishly tried to sneak into the classroom at the end of homeroom before being caught, Eren did not show up at all. By third period, Mikasa was worried. She thought about texting or calling him to find out where he was, but the school had a strict rule about phone usage during class hours. No, that would have to wait.

She debated sending a note to Armin during World History but changed her mind when she saw the serious look on Armin’s face. Their group had made a pact to devote themselves wholeheartedly to entrance exam prep, and she couldn’t afford to distract Armin.

She bit her lip and went back to her textbook. She would have to wait for the lunch break to make an enquiry.

***

By lunchtime, Eren had failed to show up to class. Strangely enough, Mikasa seemed to be the only one who had noticed that Eren was missing. His seat had been occupied by Marlo Freudenberg, and Mikasa had to bite her tongue to hold herself back from telling him off. None of the teachers had commented on his absence.

Her friends had all gathered in their usual corner of the classroom for lunch, bringing their desks closer to eat together. And none of them were saying anything about Eren.

She had excused herself to get some water from the drinking fountain outside. While she waited in line with her water bottle, she pulled out her phone to text Eren.

Huh. Strange. She had scrolled through her texts but could not find her conversation with him at all. Which was weird, because her last text to him had been yesterday evening, when he had asked her a question about integrating by parts in Maths, and she had sent him a link to a website she found rather helpful.

Did she delete the conversation from her texts? That was very unlikely, because Mikasa usually treasured everything and anything she received from Eren, including text messages.

She swallowed hard. As distressed as she was that her texts had been deleted, she had other priorities. She launched her Contacts app to look up his number to call him.

His number wasn’t there either.

No. This was a mistake. Did she save it as something other than his name? No, she would know or remember if she had done that. Besides, she wasn’t in the habit of saving her friend’s numbers with cutesy nicknames.

But she couldn’t deny it. Right between “D” for “Daz” and “F” for “Franz”, his name should’ve been there. It wasn’t.

She gaped at her phone in shock. Quickly, she began to check her Call History. Connie, Armin, Sasha, Sasha, Armin, Sasha, Levi, Sasha, Armin, Connie, Armin. No Eren.

She had called him yesterday evening, after club activities, to ask if he wanted her to wait for him as soccer practice was running late. He had said no, go ahead. Even if his contact had been accidentally deleted, an outgoing call to an unknown number should’ve been on there.

If this was someone’s idea of a prank, it was a horrible, cruel prank to play.

She scrolled through her other apps. Nothing on Line. No Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. It was as though Eren didn’t own a phone at all.

Then she realised that she knew his phone number by heart. It was one of those things she’d taken the effort to learn because he was that special to her. She began tapping the number into her phone. But before she could tap the “Call” button, someone poked her in the back.

“Can you get a move on?” The boy behind her said angrily. “You’re holding up the line!”

Mikasa blinked and realised she was now standing before the water fountain and everyone else in the line was glaring at her. Shooting the boy an apologetic look, she pocketed her phone and twisted the cap off her water bottle.

“Stupid chink,” the boy muttered.

Anger flared up inside Mikasa.

Instead of twisting the lid back on her bottle, she dumped its content on his head. The boy and everyone around him stared in shock.

“Think twice before using that word next time,” she said quietly, and stalked off back inside the school.

Oh well. She could just buy a drink from a vending machine instead.

***

Because of the insult, Mikasa had forgotten about Eren. So, when she got back to the classroom and began to dig into her lunch, she didn’t bring it up to the others.

“As I was saying,” Sasha said, after chewing a large mouthful of pork cutlet. “Camping is a lot more fun than it sounds! You have to give it a chance!”

“Hard pass,” said Jean. “Sasha, I’m not spending my precious vacation week singing songs around a campfire and swatting mosquitos.”

“But Jean!”

“Same here,” Armin said. “As for me, I wouldn’t mind going to Stohess and soaking up some culture – museums, art galleries, theatre –”

“No,” the others said in unison.

Mikasa sighed. They were back at it again. Their group had long decided on going on a graduation trip after their university entrance exams, but the question of _where_ was a hotly debated topic.

As for her, she didn’t really have a preference. She was happy to go to any of those places, as long as Eren was with them.

Eren…

“Hey Armin,” Mikasa interrupted, putting down her fork. “Do me a favour and call Eren, please. My phone’s acting up. It isn’t like him to skip class like this. I hope he’s not sick or anything.”

There was a long silence. Armin bit his lip nervously. Sasha frowned at her in confusion. Connie looked bewildered. Even Jean had stopped eating to watch her.

“What?” said Mikasa. “Why am I the only one who’s worried about him? He hasn’t wished me happy birthday yet, either. I’m sure there’s something wrong!”

“Um,” said Connie tentatively. “Mikasa, who’s Eren?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying something new with this story so please leave a comment and let me know what you think! I'd love to hear your thoughts on Eren's disappearance and what you think has happened to him!


	2. Saviour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Racial slurs towards people of East Asian descent and mentions of bullying

Mikasa was six years old when she had been called a “chink” for the first time.

At that time, she didn’t know what it meant. So naturally, her response to the insult was, “What’s a chink?”

“It’s someone like you with eyes like this,” the bully explained, putting his fingers to the sides of his eyes to demonstrate. “My mum says you chinks come from Hizuru because your country’s poor cause of people fighting!”

“Huh,” was all Mikasa had said. Later, when her mother brought her home from school, she asked, “Mama, are we chinks?”

“What?” Tsubaki was shocked to hear her sweet little girl use such language. “Mikasa, you _cannot_ say that word! Who taught it to you?”

“Elias,” Mikasa explained. “He called me a ‘chink’. He said people like us with eyes like this are called chinks.” She pulled the sides of her eyes with her forefingers like Elias had done.

“ _Mikasa!_ ” Tsubaki was horrified. “Stop that! You will not do ‘that’ again, nor will you use that word! That’s a horrible word to use for people like us! And I will be talking to your teacher about Elias and making sure he isn’t using this word in your class again.”

“Sorry, Mama,” said Mikasa. Then, she said, “Elias also said that we come from Hizuru because our country is poor and people fight there.”

Tsubaki sighed. Then, she picked up the little girl and sat down in an armchair, with Mikasa on her lap. “He’s not wrong, baby,” she smiled sadly. “Do you want to hear a story?”

And so, Tsubaki began to tell her daughter the sad story of the country of Hizuru: how it had once been prosperous and rich, but civil war within the country a few years ago had torn it apart. Many people had fled the country to seek refuge within neighbouring nations, Tsubaki being one of them. Now that the war was over, a lot of people were very poor, with no access to stable housing and power and other amenities.

“But,” she reminded her daughter, “no matter what happens, never forget that you’re Hizuruan, okay baby? You have the blood of a proud and strong nation running through you.” She pointed at Mikasa’s heart. “You come from a beautiful country of tradition and culture. You celebrate New Year’s and the Wish Festival and Hikari Matsuri because you’re Hizuruan. You get to wear those beautiful robes and eat grilled meat and fish and those Hizuruan Pancakes you love so much. I’m not saying you couldn’t do those things otherwise,” she smiled at Mikasa, “but they’re extra special because you’re celebrating something your ancestors have done for years. Our culture values honour, hard work and beauty, and you should be proud to be a part of it!”

Mikasa nodded. Most of what her mother had said had gone over her head, but she did get the message: her mother was from Hizuru and wanted her to be happy to be from Hizuru. So she smiled and nodded.

But the next day, when she went to school, Elias made fun of her again. He had been forbidden from using that word in class, so he had resorted to making slanted-eye gestures to mock her.

As she grew up, the racism became more pronounced. She observed as other people joined Elias, calling her hurtful names and making fun of her eyes. Some even made fun of her hair, as hair as black as hers was extremely uncommon in her school.

She observed as the other children grew and their Eldian features became more pronounced. She had hoped that as she grew up her appearance would change, as she had learned it was meant to, and she would look less Hizuruan. But, if anything, she looked more different from them than before – they had light eyes and their hair got lighter, while hers continued to remain dark.

She began to notice little things. Like how the neighbours would avoid being next to her mother in public and would refuse to touch items that she had touched. Her parents had a small farm, due to their inability to find jobs in town, and sales were dwindling as people did not want to buy anything her mother had grown.

She continued to observe. And the more she saw, the more she hated who she was.

Because of the constant bullying, Mikasa had refused to talk to her classmates. Her grades dropped and she grew increasingly reclusive, to the point where her will to live disappeared. She wished she had been born a different race – an Eldian girl, with blonde hair and blue eyes, and an Eldian mother to match.

Sometimes, she stared into the mirror and wondered what she would’ve looked like if she’d inherited her father’s genes instead of her mother’s. She had her father’s dark grey eyes, but he was blonde instead of dark-haired. The only way she could look like that, she thought, would be if she died and was reborn as a full-blooded Eldian child.

And then she would cry.

But the final straw was when she was sixteen years old. She had come home from school to find the front door wide open.

“Mama?” she said slowly, as she put her bag on a chair in the living room. “Papa?”

A loud scream could be heard from the backyard where the farm was. She rushed to the back door and fumbled with the knob. She threw the door open and ran towards the farm, only to trip on something on her way there.

When she saw what she had tripped on, she could not contain her screams.

Her father’s body was sprawled on the ground, face-up. Blood had poured out of his chest, where she could see three stab wounds. His eyes stared glassily at her. He was dead.

She looked up and saw her mother, whose hands had been held back and mouth had been covered by a strange man. Another man, who had a knife in his hand, grinned lecherously at her.

“Well,” he said to her mother’s captor, “there’s two of them! This is our lucky day!”

Turning to Mikasa, he said, “Our buyer’s willing to pay heaps of money for you chinks, so you better behave yourselves!”

Before Mikasa could do anything, the other man screamed. “Ow!” he yelped. “She bit me! You bitch!” He slapped Tsubaki on the face, hard.

“DON’T TOUCH HER!” Tsubaki roared. “DO WHAT YOU WANT WITH ME BUT LEAVE MY DAUGHTER ALONE!”

“Oh, we don’t need your permission for that, sweetheart,” the man with the knife said. He made his way to Mikasa. “Now be a good girl and come to me, and no one has to get hurt.”

“DON’T YOU DARE!” Furious, Tsubaki wriggled against her captor’s grip. She kicked him in the shin and, as soon as she was free from his grasp, ran towards her daughter.

“Oh no, you don’t!” The man with the knife blocked her path. He grabbed her and held her against him, knife at her throat.

But Tsubaki continued to struggle. Mikasa saw the desperation in her eyes. Her mother wasn’t worried about herself; she was worried about _Mikasa_.

She turned around to run away, but the other man, the one who’d been holding her mother captive first, caught her by the collar.

Her mother began to flail wildly. “NO!” she screamed. “LET HER GO!”

Why was her mother struggling so much? This was for the best. If they were killed, they could both be reborn as Eldians. Then they wouldn’t have to face any teasing or mocking…

“MIKASA!” her mother screamed. “BABY! RUN! I’LL HOLD THEM OFF!”

The one holding Mikasa had dragged her off to one side, away from her father’s body. He produced a rope and was now attempting to tie her wrists together with one hand, the other slapped across her mouth. She could tell that the man was beginning to panic. “Shut her up, will you?” he said to the other man. “The neighbours are going to hear her.”

The other man brought his knife closer to Tsubaki’s throat. “Scream again, bitch, and I’ll cut you,” he threatened.

But Mikasa’s mother had never been one for following orders. Breathing in deeply, she screamed as loud as she could.

Panicking, the man quickly moved and slit her neck. Mikasa watched in horror as the life left her mother’s eyes.

“What did you do?” The man holding her groaned in exasperation. “She was pure chink! She would’ve fetched more money than this one!”

“She was getting on my nerves,” The killer threw his knife on the grass, and used the edge of his jacket to wipe the blood off his fingers. “I thought the neighbours would be here with her screaming, but they don’t seem to care.”

“Well, that’s good for us, isn’t it?” his companion snapped. “Now, I shouldn’t have to say this, but if the boss asks, this one’s full-blooded, got it?”

The other man looked at him to respond, but his eyes and mouth flew wide open. The knife that had been thrown on the grass stuck out of his front and blood poured out of the wound.

“What the–” Mikasa’s captor said, as the other man dropped on the grass, dead.

A boy appeared behind him, holding the handle of the knife. He looked to be around Mikasa’s age, with brown hair and startling green eyes. Quivering with rage, he pointed the knife at the man.

“Let her go,” he said.

With a roar, the man shoved Mikasa to the side, but not before grabbing the rope around her wrists. He grabbed the boy’s arm and twisted it behind his back, forcing him to drop the knife.

“Ugh,” the man groaned. He began tying the boy up. “This is a mess. First, we lose the full-blooded one, then Klaus dies...”

“Do it!” the boy yelled. With a start, Mikasa, who had been fumbling for her phone to call the police, realised he was talking to her. “Fight back! Don’t let them get away with this!”

Mikasa hesitated. She didn’t want to fight. She wanted to call the police so this murderer could be caught, and then she wanted to jump off a cliff.

But, if they waited for the police, the man would kill the boy before that. And she couldn’t let him die, not after he’d sacrificed everything to save her.

There was something in the way he spoke that ignited a fire inside of her, immediately telling her what she had to do.

She picked up the knife the boy had dropped and snuck up to the pair.

She was done with everything. Done with letting everyone walk over her and her family for belonging to a different race. Even if she didn’t have family to protect anymore, she would fight for herself.

Without hesitation, she drove the knife through the man’s back. He gave a guttural scream and collapsed to the ground.

“Thank you,” the boy said, brushing the rope off his wrists. “You saved my life.”

Mikasa didn’t point out that, technically, he’d saved her life. Instead, she dropped the knife and sunk to the ground as the adrenaline that had rushed through her died down.

“I just killed a man,” she whispered.

“He was going to kill you,” the boy said angrily. “From what I got, he was going to sell you off to a fate worse than death. You killed him and saved both of our lives.”

She nodded mutely. Again, she spoke up. “My parents – my parents, they’re dead.”

His angry gaze softened. He sank to the ground next to her and looked into her eyes. “I’m sorry about that,” he said quietly.

Her shoulders began to shake; before she knew it, she was sobbing against her knees.

They both sat there for a while, Mikasa quietly sobbing with the boy next to her.

At some point, he had taken off the scarf he was wearing and wrapped it around her. It was splattered with the men’s blood, but neither of them noticed. His arms were around her shoulders; he held her as she continued to sob.

When she was all cried out, she looked up at him. “Who are you?” she finally asked, her fingers curling around the scarf at her neck.

“My name is Eren Yeager,” he said. “I heard your mother screaming about how she wanted to protect you, and I had to help.”

Mikasa squinted at him. That sounded questionable. “What do you mean, ‘how she wanted to protect me?’ She didn’t say anything like that.”

Eren didn’t answer. Instead, he stood up and offered her his hand.

“If you’re ready,” he said. “Let’s go deal with this mess.”

***

After they had both given their statements to the police, Eren offered to let Mikasa stay with him. He lived in Trost City, so she salvaged everything she needed from her house and moved in with him and his parents.

The case surrounding her parents’ murders went on for a while. While the police had been unable to locate the person who had hired the killers, Mikasa and Eren still had to justify why killing the men was their only option instead of calling the police. Then Mikasa had to deal with her parents’ things – within months she had managed to sell everything off, including the house and the farm.

Finally, she was able to put everything behind and move on with her life. The whole experience had hardened her, making her feel immense hatred towards anyone who tried to pick on her or put her down. She would tense up with anger every time she remembered how the men wanted to sell her mother and her off for being Hizuruan, but then she would remember her mother’s wishes for her to be proud of her ethnicity and cry. She was confused. She hated being Hizuruan, but that wasn’t what her mother had wanted for her.

And throughout the whole ordeal, Eren was there for her. He refused to leave her side, at the court, at the police station and even when she was dealing with the house. He even refused to take back the scarf he had wrapped around her, insisting she keep it until she didn’t need it anymore.

Eren helped Mikasa change schools; they both enrolled into Trost High, where, for the first time, Mikasa felt like the students actually welcomed her and didn’t make fun of her ethnicity.

Eren even introduced Mikasa to Armin. Armin was a boy who was often bullied and called a “nerd”, and Eren had stood up for him. Armin was kind and intelligent and Mikasa warmed up to him quickly. Soon, Mikasa had two friends. Friends! She’d never had friends before in her life!

With Armin’s encouragement, she began working hard and applying herself to school. She discovered that when she tried, schoolwork was a lot easier than it seemed. Her grades improved and soon she was at the top of the class with Armin.

With Eren’s encouragement, she began to socialise more. She made friends with Sasha and Connie, both of whom were fun to be around and whose company she enjoyed. Their friend, Jean, began to hang out with her as well, though she wasn’t sure why; he didn’t seem to speak much to her and would often get into arguments with Eren, whose hot-headed personality would clash with Jean’s sarcastic, don’t-care attitude. Nevertheless, her social life began to liven up.

At first, she joined the Kendo Club only as a means of learning how to fight should the need arise again. But, as time passed, Mikasa found herself enjoying the sport. She discovered she was naturally athletically gifted and even made their school proud in tournaments. Her club members were pleased and she made friends within the club as well.

At some point, Mikasa decided she wanted to move out of the Yeagers’ house. Dr and Mrs Yeager had been extremely kind to her, but she didn’t want to impose on them any longer than she had to. So she began looking for a small apartment she could live in by herself.

The only problem was most apartments needed their occupants to have a steady source of income in order to rent. So Mikasa began looking for a job instead.

It was Eren, again, who’d pointed her in the right direction. “Hey,” he said, as the two of them sat in the living room, him sprawled on the couch watching soccer highlights on TV, her curled up in a chair, scrolling through job advertisements on her phone. “I passed by the Uncle Hannesu’s on my way home today.”

Mikasa stiffened. The mention of Uncle Hannesu’s did not sit well with her.

Uncle Hannesu’s was a bakery chain within the country, famous for popularising Hizuruan cuisine within Eldia. Their speciality was their Hizuru-style pancakes, so soft they melted in your mouth on first bite.

Those pancakes had been Mikasa’s favourite food growing up. Every year on her birthday her parents would take her to Uncle Hannesu’s for pancakes. Her mother would often attempt to make Hizuruan pancakes at home, but they were never as good at the ones at Uncle Hannesu’s.

Ever since her parents’ death, Mikasa had not set foot into an Uncle Hannesu’s. Which disappointed Eren because he had never been and had always wanted to try those pancakes. He would always try to coax her and she would say no. She asked him to go with Armin, but he refused, saying he didn’t want to go without her.

He didn’t know. How would he? He didn’t know what that bakery and those pancakes meant to her. He didn’t know how much she hated being Hizuruan.

She sighed. “And?”

“They’re hiring,” he said, his eyes glued to the TV. “Thought you might want to give it a shot.”

She sighed again. “I’ll have a look,” she said. She didn’t want to apply there, but she owed it to him to try.

The next day, Mikasa went up to Jinae Street, where the shopping district was located, with a copy of her resume. She walked towards the front door, her brain protesting furiously.

But she couldn’t do it. She paced nervously outside the store, trying to build up the courage to enter.

It was then that she noticed the Donut Deck next door was hiring, too.

***

With her consistent pay as a junior baker at the Donut Deck, she was able to rent a small apartment not far from where Eren and Armin lived. As sad as she was to move away from him, Mikasa did not want to keep living off his parents’ generosity forever.

Her life had finally turned around. Gone was the sad girl who hated herself. Mikasa had a place to live, a job, good grades, a club activity she enjoyed and friends who cared about her. Her confidence soared and she was happier than she’d ever been.

The only thing she didn’t have was a family, and that, unfortunately, was not something Eren could fix, like he’d fixed everything else.

Or so she thought. Eren had a way of helping in the most unexpected manner.

“Hey,” he said suddenly, while the three of them had been doing homework together one night. Mikasa was quietly working on her Eldian, while Armin was attempting to beat Maths into Eren’s thick skull. “Mikasa, your last name is Ackerman, right?”

“Um, yes?” said Mikasa. Why was he asking her this? They’d been friends for a while now and this was something she expected him to know. “Why?”

“Just asking,” he replied. “Not exactly a common surname, is it?”

“Um, no,” she said. “I’ve never met any Ackermans before. Besides me, that is.”

“There’s a reason for that,” Armin piped up, Eren’s Maths homework forgotten in favour of this more interesting discussion. “The Ackermans were once a noble family that held positions of power within the capital. That’s why there’s no other people with that name – because the Ackerman name was powerful. However, their dynasty fell in recent years, so you’d be hard-pressed to find more Ackermans nowadays.”

“Huh,” Mikasa stared at him. “Wow, Armin. You know more about my family than I do.”

Armin looked embarrassed. “Well, I’ve been reading about local history, and I thought it’d be something you already knew. Didn’t your father ever tell you about your family or introduce you to any relatives?”

“No,” she said. Her father had never spoken about his family. She had never met any grandparents nor did she know of any uncles or aunts.

“So,” Eren said, changing the topic. “You know how I’ve been into university basketball these days?”

“No,” said Mikasa.

“No,” said Armin.

“Neither do we care,” added Mikasa.

“And why did you change the topic so suddenly?” Armin said. “You’re the one who brought up Mikasa’s last name in the first place.”

“I’m getting there,” Eren huffed indignantly. “Anyway, I was watching a game between the University of Trost and Stohess U, and” his green eyes met Mikasa’s grey ones, “there was this player. On the Trost team. His name was L. Ackerman.”

Mikasa took a sharp intake of breath.

“If we’re right about all Ackermans belonging to the Ackerman noble family,” Armin said, “then he – L. Ackerman…”

“…he’s probably related to you, yeah,” Eren finished. “And he lives in the city, too.”

***

On further research, the three found out that the player’s full name was Levi Ackerman. Studying his pictures, they deduced that he even _looked_ like her, with the same dark grey eyes and pointed face. There was no way he wasn’t related to her.

At first, she wasn’t sure how to contact him. So she bought tickets to one of Trost Uni’s games and watched him play. He was quite good and he made up for what he lacked in height with his stunning athleticism. Eren and Armin, who’d tagged along to the game, even realised that they both shared the same skill in sports; the fluidity, grace and speed with which Levi moved was not unlike Mikasa in a kendo match, striking with precision before the opponent could react.

Mikasa wondered what the best way to get his attention would be. She had thought about writing him a letter or email or waiting to talk to him after the game. But there was a high chance of her being ignored; she noticed that Levi seemed to have a sizeable fanbase of girls her age, and she didn’t want to be mistaken for one of them.

But she didn’t have to do anything. Eren, halfway through the game, had suddenly stood up and screamed, “GO, LEVI! GO, ACKERMAN!”

Levi, taken aback by the cheer, glanced in their direction. He caught Mikasa’s eye.

***

After the game, she made her way down the bleachers to talk to him and noticed he was walking towards her as well.

“Hi,” she said shyly. She felt stupid. What was she supposed to say? That she was certain she was his long-lost relative, so please could he let her be a part of his life?

“Hi,” he replied. “You’re Hizuruan, aren’t you?”

Mikasa was taken aback. “Um, yeah?” Why would that be the first thing her long-lost relative asked her?

Levi looked relieved. “I thought so,” he said. “What’s your name?”

“Mikasa Ackerman,” she replied. As expected, he took a sharp intake of breath, just as she had when she’d found out about him.

He glanced at her, taking in the grey eyes and pointed face. His eyes moved towards Eren and Armin a few feet away, the former of whom had been giving her encouraging thumbs-ups for a while now. He then looked at his team members, who’d been herding off fans on one side.

“Do you have time for a cup of tea?” he said. “Now?”

***

Mikasa learned that Levi was her first cousin, son of her father’s younger sister. His mother was dead, too and he didn’t know nor cared who his father was. He lived by himself in an apartment across town from where she lived. He went to Trost Uni and was majoring in business and finance. He enjoyed playing basketball and cleaning in his spare time.

They exchanged numbers, promising to keep in touch. Since then, they had maintained a healthy relationship. They kept each other updated on their lives. Mikasa had met Levi’s friends and teammates, and in turn had introduced him to Eren and Armin and even Connie and Sasha. Despite the nonchalant attitude he’d given off when he first met her, she could tell he cared about her a lot and was constantly worrying about her. She enjoyed having that strong, familial presence in her life, and she was sure he felt the same.

With everything going so well, Mikasa was determined to keep it that way. She continued to work hard at school, club activities and her job and maintained her relationship with Levi and her friends. She had lost everything before and wanted to hold on to what she had now for as long as she could.

And she owed it all to Eren. It was him who had (literally) saved her life. He had given her a place to live when she didn’t have one. He had helped her get over the tragedy. He had helped her adjust to school and find friends. He’d even helped her find a job and connect with her cousin.

Mikasa wasn’t sure when exactly she had fallen in love with him. It had started off small – she began to notice things like how nice he smelled and how green his eyes were and how comforting his hand on her shoulder was – and then evolved to something bigger, like her being hyper-aware of his presence to her doodling his name on her notebooks – to what it was now, where his pain on failing his Maths test was her pain (and Armin’s problem), where when he scored while playing soccer and caught her eye, she was the happiest person on the field.

And Armin knew. Armin had seen Mikasa’s feelings for their best friend grow and he had gently encouraged it. Not just him, Mikasa was pretty sure that Sasha and Connie knew, if the snarky giggles they shared when Mikasa tried to shove food into Eren’s mouth during lunch or the knowing glances they exchanged with Armin every time Eren had said something nice to Mikasa were any indication.

Even Jean, she suspected, knew. While Jean didn’t normally interact with her much, she could tell from his snide comments on how Mikasa was a fool for wasting her time with Eren that he knew there was something going on.

It was Armin’s idea for her to confess to him on her birthday. He had told Mikasa to wait for a special occasion, then invite Eren out for something nice to eat, and then tell him how she felt about him.

Eren had been nagging her to get Hizuruan pancakes with him for a while now. And, despite her not being able to stomach the taste and smell of Hizuruan food for two years now, she felt it had to end. It would be nice to keep the tradition of getting pancakes on her birthday going even after her parents’ death.

She wasn’t sure if Eren knew about her feelings. Sasha, Connie and Jean had made it so obvious that anyone else would’ve probably caught on by now. But Mikasa also knew how oblivious Eren was. So even if he didn’t already know, she would make sure he did on her birthday.

Armin knew what she was planning and had given her his blessing. Sasha and Connie knew about Mikasa’s feelings for Eren and found it hysterical. And Jean didn’t approve, but, for once, he decided to not be blunt about it and keep his misgivings to himself.

“Who’s Eren?” said Connie.

He meant so much to her. He had changed her life and she had fallen in love with him.

They knew how she felt about him. Not to mention, they were all good friends with him too, especially Armin.

So why were they sitting there, looking all confused, pretending like they didn’t know who he was?


	3. Dissonance

“Very funny, Connie,” Mikasa snapped, not in the mood for any of his jokes. “Seriously, can someone please give him a call? I’m getting really worried here.”

Sasha glanced at the others. “What is she talking about?” she whispered loudly. “Any of you know an ‘Eren’?”

“What are _you_ talking about, Sasha?” Mikasa said impatiently. “You go to the same cram school as he does. You called me last night to tell me how you both did well in the weekly test. Do you not remember?”

“I’m sorry, Mikasa,” Sasha said apologetically. “I don’t know who Eren is. Maybe it’s someone you know from Kendo Club?”

“What? No, Eren doesn’t do kendo…” she replied. She glanced at each of her friends, one by one.

What kind of stupid prank was this? First, they took her phone and deleted Eren’s contact and text messages. Then, they deleted all his social media profiles. Then, they asked him not to come to school today. Then, they pretended not to know who he was…

She frowned. All of this seemed way too far-fetched to be a prank and a lot of work for one that wasn’t really funny. And they didn’t look like they were lying. They seemed genuinely confused.

“Okay,” said Mikasa. “How about this: do you guys remember that time we went to the beach last year?”

“Um,” Sasha thought hard. “Yeah! I do! We got to eat a lot of yummy stuff like squid and watermelon and shaved ice…”

“And Armin got pinched by a crab that wouldn’t let go, so he spent fifteen minutes running across the beach trying to get it off? Mikasa continued.

“That was so painful!” Armin shivered at the memory. “I thought I was going to be infected!”

“And Connie challenged that middle schooler to a swimming race and lost because he couldn’t swim?” Mikasa went on.

Connie bristled. “I had a cramp in my side, okay? I was _this_ close to winning that race!”

“Whatever you say, Connie,” Mikasa shrugged. “And Jean – well, to be honest, I don’t remember if he was there or not. But Eren was! He was wearing green swimming trunks!”

“Uhhhh,” Armin exchanged glances with the others, while Jean sighed. “No, Mikasa. None of us wore green trunks that day.”

What was going on here? Had they all conveniently developed amnesia and forgotten who Eren was?

“Guys,” Mikasa pleaded desperately. “He was there. We spent an hour burying him in the sand. He’s our friend. He’s one of us.”

Her friends looked at her, then at each other and then back at her. “Uh, how do I put this?” said Connie. “Mikasa, we don’t have any friends called Eren. Maybe you do, but he’s not one of us. We’ve always been the five of us – Sasha, Jean, Armin, you and me.”

She slumped back in her chair. Her lunch lay uneaten before her. She wasn’t hungry anymore.

“You guys are mean,” she muttered. “This is a really dumb and weird prank to play.”

“Mikasa,” Jean said, in his gentlest voice. “This isn’t a prank. If it were, do you _I_ would go along with something like this? It isn’t even funny and I can see that you’re genuinely upset.”

She didn’t respond to that. What was Jean suggesting? That Eren wasn’t real and she was hallucinating?

“We’ve all been stressed out lately, with exam prep and everything,” Armin said kindly. “And I know you’ve been studying really hard, and –”

“I – no, dammit,” Mikasa interrupted Armin before he could suggest she was crazy. “I’m not crazy. Eren Yeager is real. He – wait!”

She pulled out her phone. She had an idea. There were heaps of pictures of Eren on her phone, including ones of him on their beach trip. The prank wouldn’t extend as far as editing him out of the pictures on her phone, would it? She would prove it. She would show them all that she wasn’t crazy and that Eren was a real person who was their friend.

She quickly made her way to the Line group that had been created for their trip last year. Again, she noticed that there were only five participants in the group – Armin, Sasha, Connie, an unknown number she identified as Jean – turns out he had been on the trip, after all – and her. They’d been spamming the group with pictures of their trip the whole time, so Eren _had_ to be there in at least one of those pictures.

Except that when she scrolled through the pictures…he wasn’t. There was a picture of the five of them watching the sunset. No Eren. A picture of Sasha and Connie pretending to Kung Fu fight. A picture of Connie sulking as a middle schooler laughed at him. A picture of Armin and her throwing peace signs. A picture of Sasha making heart-eyes at a piece of corn on the cob. A picture of Armin trying not to cry as a large crab clung to his little toe. A really weird picture of Jean staring at her as she pushed a lock of hair behind her ear.

Not a single picture of Eren.

Mikasa couldn’t believe it. She checked a couple of other similar groups for photos of him. She didn’t find any.

Her mouth went dry and a chill crept up her spine. Was it possible that her friends had been telling the truth? That Eren Yeager wasn’t real?

Had she been imagining him all of this time? All of those moments they’d shared, were they all hallucinations?

So who was the boy who’d saved her life two years ago? Whose house did she live in after her parents had died? Or was Eren a ghost? That would explain why she was the only one that seemed to remember him.

But the others had interacted with Eren plenty of times before, hadn’t they? Especially Armin. Didn’t he usually help Eren study? Weren’t he and Eren supposed to be best friends? In fact, wasn’t Eren the one who introduced them?

“Armin?” Mikasa said slowly. “Do you, um, remember the story of how we met? Like you and me? How we became friends?”

Armin thought for a moment. “Well, um, do you remember how I was always bullied in the first-year for reading too much?”

“Yeah, you were such a big nerd back then!” Sasha laughed. “Not that you’ve changed much since then…”

“Anyway,” Armin continued, ignoring Sasha. “You were the transfer student from Shiganshina, but you were not afraid to stand up to bullies. And, when you saw Greta picking on me outside the school gate, you told her off. You got her to leave me alone after that. I was really impressed by how you’d stood up to me that I tried to be friends with you. And it worked.” He gave her a small smile.

Mikasa pondered over his words. In his version of events, it was she who had stood up to his bullies, not Eren. Then why did she remember things differently?

She had never been more confused in her life.

Her friends had shrugged off the matter and were now back to talking about their graduation trip. Mikasa was deep in thought.

Then she remembered that she had been meaning to call Eren before being distracted at the water fountain. She quickly typed in his number again on her phone and put it to her ear anxiously.

If this did not work, then the others were right. Eren Yeager was not real, and she, Mikasa Ackerman, was going crazy.

_“The number you have dialled does not exist…”_

Her head began to hurt.

***

As soon as she got home from work that day, she put her school bag aside and switched on her laptop.

“My friend has disappeared and none of my other friends seem to remember him,” she typed into Google. She scrolled through the results one by one.

Most of them were pretty standard and stuff she’d already heard from her friends earlier that day.

_“Are you sure you’re not schizophrenic?”_

_“You’re probably just dreaming.”_

_“Have you been stressed lately?”_

_“I think someone’s playing a very elaborate prank on you.”_

_“Pretty sure that’s called gaslighting…”_

_“Witness Protection Program!”_

She sighed. Of all of those theories, she was most inclined to believe the last one.

An hour of reading later, she found herself deep into Reddit. There, she finally found something that was close to what she’d been experiencing. She quickly took a screenshot of the post and saved it to her phone, just in case.

_“I first met Alan when my company was in its startup stage. Things were not going well, but he helped me turned things around. Together, we built the company up to what it is now – in Eldia’s top 200. But one day, he just vanished. His house had someone else living in it, I couldn’t get in touch with him over the telephone and his family could not recollect meeting me. How do I find him again? I just want to thank him for everything he’s done for the company.”_

Unfortunately, this had been posted on the forum over ten years ago and there were no responses to it. The poster, Shyra, wasn’t even active on the site anymore either.

Frustrated, she flopped down on her bed, unsure of what to do next.

Her stomach rumbled loudly. She had to make dinner. She also had to study before she went to bed. And study again the next morning. She had Kendo Club activities and work tomorrow as well, so she didn’t have a lot of free time.

But this Eren business was messing with her head. She had to find out what was going on. It was driving her crazy.

Her phone beeped with an incoming text message.

It was from the same unknown number that had texted her happy birthday earlier. Jean. _You alright?_

_No,_ she replied. _It’s been a terrible day._

_I’m sorry,_ was his response. _Is there anything I can do to help?_

Why was Jean being so nice and thoughtful and not-an-asshole? It wasn’t like him.

Then again, her bad impression of Jean had come from him and Eren constantly butting heads. But Eren, apparently, didn’t exist...

_Can you bring someone that doesn’t exist to life?_

Hey, it wouldn’t hurt to ask now, would it?

_I’m sure there’s a way,_ he replied. _I’ll ask around at the Occult Club. I’ve seen those people do some freaky stuff._

She snorted.

_But, if there’s anything non-supernatural I can do, like helping you study or giving you a hand with class rep stuff, let me know. I know you’ve been having a hard time keeping up with everything, but I also know you won’t ask for help. So I’m offering. I’ll always be there for you._

A warm glow flooded her chest and she found herself smiling. _Thank you,_ she replied. _I’ll keep that in mind._

At least someone didn’t think she had completely lost it. She quickly saved Jean’s number and tossed her phone aside.

She missed Eren. She missed him so much. This was the longest she’d gone without speaking to him. It was officially the worst birthday ever.

Tears welled up in her eyes.

_“We’ll get through this,” he said, holding her wrists and forcing her to look into his eyes. “I promise you, I won’t let you deal with this by yourself.”_

_She nodded mutely. They had just arrived home from the police station and, after having a word with his parents, were now seated on his bed._

_“Thank you,” she said, for the millionth time that day. “You’ve done so much for me, and I – I don’t even know you.”_

_“You would’ve done the same if you were in my place,” he dismissed._

_Mikasa wasn’t sure about that._

_“Your scarf,” she said, suddenly realising that his scarf was still around her neck. “Thank you for letting me have it.”_

_But he pushed her hand away. “No,” he said. “You keep it. Give it away when you feel like you’re strong enough.”_

_She wasn’t sure what he meant by that, but she nodded. She liked the scarf; it was bright red and felt warm and soft. There was dried blood splattered over it, but it was something she chose to ignore. “I liked it when you wrapped it around me. It felt good.”_

_She turned scarlet when she realised she’d said that out loud. Fortunately, Eren did not seem to have taken it the wrong way. Instead, he took the scarf from her hands and wrapped it around her neck again. “I’ll wrap it around you again as many times as you want. That’s a promise.”_

Her eyes automatically travelled to her closet. There was a line of hooks across the door that she used to hang up coats, hats and scarves. She glanced at the last hook on the line, the one where the red scarf usually hung from, expecting to see it gone like everything else connected to Eren.

Only, it was still there. Eren’s red scarf was hanging from the hook on her closet door.

She jumped off the bed and pulled the scarf off the hook. There was no doubt about it, it was the same scarf, warm and soft. She quickly put it on. It didn’t feel the same as him wrapping it around her.

But it was a win, right? It was a sign she wasn’t hallucinating. Eren was real.

A small doubt crept into her mind. What if, like everything else, the scarf’s owner had changed? What if, instead of Eren, it was someone like Armin or Levi who had given her the scarf?

Then she saw it. The scarf was covered with small, rust-coloured spots.

_Blood._

She broke down, crying.

***

“Nope, don’t know him. Sorry,” Levi said.

“I see,” said Mikasa, disappointed. It was Sunday and she was at Levi’s for lunch. He’d been too busy to cook so they were eating fried chicken and drinking beer that he’d picked up from the shop downstairs. They had gone through most of it already and Mikasa was quite full.

“Why do you ask?” Levi took a big bite of his chicken wing. “Am I supposed to know who this ‘Eren Yeager’ is?”

“No, I didn’t think you would,” she murmured. She took a sip of her beer. Technically she was too young to drink, but neither she nor Levi cared. “Forget I asked.”

“Alright,” he shrugged. His gaze shifted to the scarf around her neck. “That’s a nice scarf you’re wearing. Is it new?”

To test her theory that the red scarf was still Eren’s and not anyone else’s, Mikasa had washed it and had taken to wearing it everywhere she went, to see if anyone would recognise it and claim it as theirs or make a comment about giving it to her. Neither of her friends had said anything; only Armin had remarked that she was “finally wearing the red scarf that had been hanging outside her closet since forever”.

And now, Levi didn’t seem to recognise the scarf, either. That meant she was right: it was definitely Eren’s scarf.

“Not exactly. It’s something I’ve had for a while.” Her fingers automatically went to the scarf. “Just haven’t worn it before.”

“I see,” he replied. Taking a large swig of his beer, he said, “Anyway, there’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about.”

“Oh?” Mikasa put down her piece of chicken and leaned back into the couch.

“I’m going on a trip next month,” he said. “At the end of term. Just thought you should know.”

She nodded. “That sounds nice. Where are you going?”

There was a silence. He looked away but then forced himself to meet her eyes. “Hizuru. I’m going to Hizuru.”

Mikasa was taken aback. She didn’t know what to say. Hizuru wasn’t exactly a popular holiday destination, especially not among people Levi’s age. “Wh…why would you go there?” she stammered.

None of her friends had known about her distaste for the country and everything associated with it. Even Eren hadn’t known. Naturally, Levi hadn’t realised that the mere mention of the country had filled his cousin with dread.

He looked away again. There was a long silence, as Mikasa waited for Levi to speak and Levi collected his thoughts. Finally, he said, “I guess, in a way, you could say I’m doing it for you.”

“Me?” Mikasa squeaked. Did he, somehow, figure out how much she hated being Hizuruan and was trying to change her mind?

“Yeah,” he said. Taking in her confused expression, he said, “Before that, there’s a few things you need to know about our family. The story of the Ackermans.”

Levi quickly described how Grandpa Ackerman, having lost his wife, had to raise his three children by himself. The oldest, Kenny, had left home to travel the world. However, soon after he’d left, his younger brother, Kalev, had fallen in love with a Hizuruan refugee, Tsubaki, and had expressed his interest in marrying her.

Grandpa Ackerman was furious. He was a very strict man and held the honour of the Ackerman name above everything else. He threatened to disown Kalev if brought shame to the family by marrying the girl. But Kalev refused to leave her and pretty soon he was forced to leave the Ackerman household.

Meanwhile, the youngest, Kuchel, had gotten pregnant at the ripe young age of sixteen. Again, in anger, Grandpa Ackerman had exiled his daughter, forcing her to quit school and raise the child by herself.

When Kenny returned, he was devastated to find that his siblings had been disowned from the household. Denouncing his father, he set out to find them. Kenny couldn’t find Kalev but was able to find Kuchel in the red-light district, having to prostitute herself to raise her toddler. He could tell she was close to death, and she knew it, too. She begged him to take care of her child, to give him a good life that she would be unable to provide in her deteriorating state.

She died a few months later. Kenny raised Levi by himself. He taught him about the Ackermans, including Uncle Kalev who’d left the household to marry his Hizuruan girlfriend. As they grew up, Kenny and Levi always kept their ears and eyes open for Kalev Ackerman. There weren’t a lot of Hizuruan women in Eldia, so they kept watch for the Hizuruan refugee Tsubaki as well.

Years passed and they heard nothing of him. Grandpa Ackerman had died, though neither of his sons nor his grandchildren were present for the funeral. Kenny also passed away when Levi was a teenager; something about a disease he’d caught abroad coming back to haunt him.

Kenny had always wanted to reunite with his brother and sister. That dream, fortunately, did not die with him, as Levi had not stopped looking after his uncle’s death. He continued to look out for men matching Uncle Kalev’s description, or Hizuruan women that could be Tsubaki. He’d even been savvy enough to look out for half-Hizuruan children, who looked like they could’ve been born from a Hizuruan mother and an Ackerman father.

News about Hizuru’s troubles continued to reach Eldian citizens, Levi included. His interest in the country had led to him doing a bit of research into its problems and the country’s plight stirred up a humanitarian part of him that he did not know existed. He soon found himself volunteering with organisations helping Hizuruan refugees in Eldia. He owed it to his Aunt Tsubaki and potential cousins to do what he could to help the country.

Years later he was reunited with his cousin Mikasa. His volunteer activities ceased, but they never fully stopped; when he had the time, he continued to help out the Hizuruans in Eldia.

And, when he learned of a program at his university that was collecting volunteers to help rebuild a small town in Hizuru, he knew he had to go.

Mikasa was quiet after Levi finished his story. Here he was, doing everything he could to help Hizuru out because his cousin was Hizuruan, and she, the Hizuruan cousin, hated the country and was doing whatever she could to keep away from it. She squirmed in guilt.

“Well,” she said finally. “Good luck on your trip, I guess. I think you’re very brave for doing something like this. I could never, in a million years, go to Hizuru.”

“You don’t need to be brave to do it,” he said quietly. “You just need to be kind. Besides, it’s exactly the sort of thing I like – cleaning, building houses, fixing stuff up and so on. I’m going to have a good time.”

She giggled. It was the first real laugh she’d had in a while. She knew of Levi’s fondness for cleaning and fixing houses up. She had no doubt he would enjoy his trip very much.

He gave a small smile. “It’s good to see you smile again,” he said. “You’ve sounded so sad lately. Is there anything you want to talk about?”

Mikasa was touched. She hadn’t expected Levi to notice how anguished she’d been lately, but he was a lot more perceptive than she gave him credit for. She had debated telling him about Eren before but had concluded that she did not need another person calling her crazy. Not that Levi would do that. But she could imagine him giving her that sympathetic look and telling her to make sure she was sleeping well and drinking plenty of water. The thought of him patronising her that way was unbearable.

“No. Not really.” Mikasa shrugged.

“Anything to do with this ‘Eren Yeager’ person, maybe?” Levi pressed on. She could practically hear the gears whirring in his head. _Who could this Eren Yeager be? Someone from school? A boyfriend? If he breaks her heart, I’ll kill him._

Mikasa smiled sadly to herself.

“You don’t need to worry about Eren Yeager,” she replied, more to herself than to him. “He doesn’t exist. He’s just someone in my head, someone I made up.”

After all, wasn’t that the truth?


	4. Family

“No, Sasha, for the last time, we are not going to a freaking _farm_ for our graduation trip,” Jean said, sounding exasperated. Sasha ‘hmphed’ loudly; Mikasa groaned. It was lunchtime and they were at it again.

Their entrance exams were coming soon but all they seemed to talk about these days was their graduation trip. Not that she blamed them. She knew they were all working hard behind the scenes, even if they didn’t act like it. Yesterday, Sasha had gotten a 92 on the Maths mock test for the first time – and Maths was her weakest subject. Connie had managed to write a paragraph in Eldian today without a single red mark from the teacher.

Armin and Mikasa were a good influence on the others, spurring them into action and pushing them to work harder. All five of them had dream universities they wanted to get into; Mikasa wanted to get into Trost, to be close to Levi. She had always wanted to study medicine and was confident in her skills and intelligence to do so. Armin was trying to get into Mitras University, the best university in the country. He would be studying geography. Sasha was aiming to get into Karanes University, where she wanted to major in agricultural studies to help her family out on the farm. Connie wanted to get into the University of Ehrmich. They had one of the best engineering programs in the country, even though his true goal was to do track and field professionally.

As for Jean, Mikasa didn’t know what he wanted to do. She knew it was something related to art, but she couldn’t remember what it was.

The graduation trip was the only thing they had to look forward to and talking about it was their way of blowing off steam.

“Guys, you’re going to have to pick something soon,” Mikasa interjected. “It’ll be hard to book tickets and make arrangements later, especially if we decide to go abroad or whatever.”

Everyone perked up at that.

“That’s not a bad idea,” said Armin. “I’ve never been abroad before! I don’t mind going.”

“I want to go to the Mokupuni Islands!” Connie said, excited.

“Frankreich is beautiful this time of the year,” Jean added.

The group chatted away, excited at the prospect of going abroad. Mikasa zoned out. Well, at least they had stopped arguing for the time being.

She hadn’t brought up the Eren issue again since her birthday last week. She knew she wasn’t crazy; she had seen the scarf and the blood on it. She had no doubt it was Eren who had given it to her. Yet, she could not think of any plausible explanation as to why he had vanished or why no one knew who he was. So she continued to keep her thoughts about Eren to herself, even though not being able to talk about it was killing her inside.

“Earth to Mikasa!” Sasha sang, waggling her hand in front of her face. Mikasa blinked to find everyone looking at her.

“Yes?” she said.

“I asked, are you going to have that?” Sasha said, pointing at her pudding, a greedy look on her face.

“Um,” Mikasa paused. She usually didn’t mind giving Sasha her food; she didn’t care much for it and it seemed to make Sasha happy. However, she was partial to sweets, especially strawberry pudding.

“Stop being greedy, Sasha,” Jean said, irritated. “You know strawberry milk pudding is Mikasa’s favourite. And that’s not what you wanted to ask, is it?”

Mikasa shot him a grateful smile.

“I…did not know that, actually,” Sasha shot Jean an odd look before turning back to Mikasa. “Sorry about that! What I wanted to know, was, Frankreich or Mokupuni Islands?”

“Huh?”

“Where would you rather go?” Sasha bounced up and down her seat in anticipation.

“Uhhh…” Before Mikasa could think of a response, her phone began to vibrate. She checked to see who it was. Levi. “Excuse me.”

“Hey,” she said, walking out of the classroom, her phone to her ear.

“Hey,” Levi replied. “I hope this isn’t a bad time. I assume you’re on your lunch break right now.”

Mikasa checked the time on her phone. “I can talk. What’s up?”

“Would you like to come with me to Hizuru?”

The question was so sudden that it caught her off-guard. “I’m sorry, what?”

“I’m asking if you would be interested in joining me on my volunteer trip to Hizuru,” Levi said. He sounded calm and collected, but she could tell from the way he was breathing into the phone that he was anticipating her answer.

Why would he ask her that? And why would she even say yes? It seemed ironic that he would ask this just as she was planning her graduation trip with her friends. However, volunteering in Hizuru was the last thing she would consider doing.

“No, sorry,” she replied. “That doesn’t sound like something I’d want to do.”

“Alright,” he said, sounding disappointed. “Well, if you change your mind, let me know. We currently have a shortage of volunteers, and if we don’t have more people sign up soon, the trip will be cancelled.”

“I see,” she said. “I’m sorry, Levi, but you probably shouldn’t count on it. My friends and I have other plans.”

“Fine,” he said. “I’ll let you get back to your lunch. See you on Sunday?”

“See you on Sunday,” Mikasa replied, before ending the call.

The guilt she’d been feeling at Levi’s last week was back and was causing her stomach to writhe uncomfortably. Few people could make Mikasa feel as uneasy and ashamed as she did right then, and Levi was one of them. He seemed to be stirring up a sense of duty in her towards a country she wanted nothing to do with; a country that, as much as she denied it, part of her belonged to. She knew that if he’d spoken to her longer and worked a little harder at convincing her, she would’ve found herself saying yes.

Suppressing her feelings, she returned back to class.

***

Mikasa leaned back against the school gates as she waited for Armin. He quickly appeared, running out of the school with a thick book in his arms.

“Sorry!” Armin squeaked as he appeared through the gates. “The club meeting ran late and I had to borrow this book from the library. Do you mind if I put it away? I didn’t want to keep you waiting, so…”

“No, go ahead,” Mikasa said. “Take your time. What _is_ that book, anyway?”

Armin turned the book towards her so she could see its title: _Myths, Legends and Unexplained Phenomena_. “Um, well,” he looked sheepish. “I know I said you were imagining this ‘Eren Yeager’ person because you were stressed, but I’ve been thinking – what if I’m wrong? What if there was more to it? I’m going to go through this book tonight and see if I can find anything that – Mikasa? Are you alright?”

Mikasa’s eyes had filled with tears as he spoke. Here she was, thinking she was alone and her friends and cousin didn’t understand her and thought she was crazy. But they – or at least, Levi, Armin and Jean – actually cared. Even if they didn’t understand her problem, they wanted to help. She was touched.

“Thanks, Armin,” she said, hastily wiping her eyes with the back of her hand and leaning forward to give the boy one of her rare hugs. “I appreciate it.”

Armin’s eyes widened in surprise and he dropped the book on the ground. Quickly, he bent down to retrieve. He stopped suddenly, his hand outstretched to pick up the book and his eyes wide open.

“Armin?” Mikasa asked, concerned. “Everything okay?”

But Armin did not answer. Instead, he continued to stare at the book with his mouth open, as though he’d just had an epiphany.

“You’re scaring me,” she said. It was very unusual for him to behave like this.

“What? Oh, sorry,” Armin blinked and snapped out of his trance. He quickly picked up the book and proceeded to put it in his bag. “I just – no, never mind.”

She shrugged as the two of them began to walk together.

She had asked Armin to meet up with her after club activities as they both didn’t have to work today, and there was something she wanted to test out, for which she needed his help.

“Hey, Mikasa,” Armin spoke up suddenly. “Your friend, this Eren Yeager – what does he look like?”

“Hm?” Mikasa replied absently. She debated on whether she should tell Armin, because she could go on for hours about Eren’s appearance and he would definitely think she was nuts. But then, what did she have to lose?

“He’s around the same height as me,” she began, bringing her hand to the top of her head to indicate his height. “He has soft brown hair. He’s a bit tan. Well-built. And his eyes, he’s got the greenest eyes you’ve ever seen. I can’t describe the colour because I wouldn’t be able to do it justice.”

Mikasa cringed inwardly as the words left her mouth. She sounded like a little girl describing her celebrity crush. Armin, however, seemed unperturbed; he stroked his chin thoughtfully.

“’The greenest eyes I’ve ever seen’, huh?” he repeated, causing Mikasa to cringe again. He quickly pulled out his phone, typed something and turned it towards her. “Like this?”

He had pulled up a colour lookup website and miraculously was on a page that featured the exact green shade that Eren’s eyes were. “Exactly like that,” said Mikasa, surprised. “Considering I didn’t give you much to go on…that’s one hell of a guess. How did you find that colour, Armin?”

“Oh, just a hunch,” he replied, putting his phone away. “This was the greenest green I could think of.”

She got the feeling that there was something he wasn’t telling her.

“And his last name, Yeager,” Armin continued. “Does he have anything to do with the people that took you in? Dr and Mrs Yeager?”

“I – what?” Mikasa was nonplussed. She wasn’t sure how close his version of the events after her parents’ deaths was to hers, so she didn’t want to answer him. “What do you mean?”

“You know,” he said. “After that thing with your parents, you lived with Dr Yeager and his wife for a bit. Dr Yeager, who you’d been referred to by the Shiganshina police after the incident? The one who invited you to live with him and his wife because you had nowhere else to go? Is Eren related to them?”

“Um,” she said. “Funny you should ask. We’re on our way to their apartment right now. I guess we’ll find out soon enough.”

She had wanted to see the Yeagers to confirm one last time that Eren was not at home and he didn’t exist for them, either. And she needed Armin to be there in case she had a mental breakdown.

They arrived at the Yeagers’, a modest apartment located in a residential area of the city. Dread began to fill Mikasa as she stood outside the door, but she forced herself to press the doorbell, trying to stop her knees from shaking.

Carla Yeager opened the door, her eyes widening when she saw Mikasa. “Mikasa! Honey!” She quickly leaned forward to give her a hug. “And Armin, too!” She gave him a quick hug as well. “It’s been so long! Please come in!”

As soon as they took off their shoes she ushered them inside, shutting the door behind them. “I’ll make some tea.”

The memories immediately began to assault her. There was that smell; Eren’s house always smelled like fresh bread and clean laundry. There was the dining table on which the three of them would do homework. There was the couch on which he would lie on as he watched soccer highlights.

She quickly blinked away the fresh tears that had welled up in her eyes.

Mikasa scanned the wall above the television. She remembered it being covered in pictures of the family, most of them featuring Eren and some with her. Her heart sank as she realised there were no pictures of Eren on the wall; most of them were of Dr and Mrs Yeager, a couple were of her and a few were of Dr Yeager’s son from a previous marriage.

She had to face the truth. Eren did not exist in this world. And she was never going to find out why.

“Please have a seat,” Carla had placed a tea set on the coffee table and had poured out two cups for them. While Mikasa took a seat, Armin didn’t. He stood frozen in place, staring at the dining table.

“Armin?” Carla said. “Would you like to sit down?”

Mikasa realised he was in another one of his trances, like he’d been outside the school earlier, and tugged on his jumper. He blinked, snapping out of it, and quickly sat down next to her on the couch.

She eyed him suspiciously. He was acting very strange today.

The television was on. Carla had apparently been watching the news before they came in. The sound had been turned off, presumably when they had rung the doorbell.

“It’s so good to see you two again,” she began, smiling warmly at them. “Mikasa, how have you been? After you moved out, you promised to visit every month, but I haven’t seen you since New Year’s Day!”

They spoke for a while, catching Carla up on their lives. Mikasa let Armin do most of the talking, as she wasn’t sure how much of what she remembered was accurate, even though she knew Carla was a lot closer to her than to Armin. After a while, she excused herself to go to the bathroom.

“Grisha and I have been blessed having Mikasa stay with us, even for a little while,” she heard Carla say as she walked away. “She was like the child I never had…”

Mikasa blinked the tears away again.

Instead of going to the bathroom, she made her way towards the bedrooms. When she had lived here, she had slept on a futon in Eren’s room, as the house had only two bedrooms and she didn’t want to sleep alone. As uncomfortable as that had been for both of them, neither had complained. In fact, now that she thought about it, her close proximity to him had probably contributed to her developing feelings for him.

She walked into his room. She didn’t know what she expected to see – maybe a small sign he still existed, something, _anything_ to prove he had once lived there. Instead, the room was bare, like no one had lived there in months.

She bit her lip hard, trying not to cry. A hand on her shoulder made her jump.

“Eren?” she whispered, wiping the tears away. The hand felt so much like his, and for a brief moment, she let herself believe he was back.

She turned around to find Carla smiling at her sadly. Mikasa had apparently been standing in that room for a while.

“Checking out your old room?” Carla said. Whether she had heard Mikasa say Eren’s name and chose to ignore it or not, Mikasa didn’t know.

“You must miss it,” the older woman continued. “I hope you’ll visit more often, Mikasa. Then you can see your room as much as you like.”

Mikasa didn’t say anything, choosing to nod silently at Carla’s words.

Carla walked towards the bed and sat down on it. Mikasa noted the dark circles around her eyes and the wrinkles in her forehead.

“Um, Mrs Yeager,” she said tentatively. “Is, um, everything alright?”

Carla studied her for a moment. Then she said, “Mikasa, do you know what ‘déjà vu’ is?”

“Déjà vu?” Mikasa repeated.

“Sometimes,” Carla said, looking up at the ceiling. “Sometimes, when I enter this room and sit down on the bed, a strange feeling comes over me. I feel like I have a child of my own who lives in this room. Silly, isn’t it?” She smiled at Mikasa. “Silly, because,” she placed her hand on her abdomen, “I’ve never been able to have children. How can I have memories of a child I’ve never met?”

Mikasa stopped breathing. Was Carla saying was she thought she was? Did she remember Eren, too?

“Do you remember anything else about this…child?” she asked, trying to hide the urgency in her voice. “What does he look like? What’s his name? How old is he?”

But Carla shook her head.

“I don’t remember any of those details,” she said softly. “I just feel like…a boy lives here and he’s my son. I’ve never seen him or spoken to him. I’ve never had children before, but now I feel so…hollow inside. Like something’s missing. But I haven’t…” she placed her hand on her belly again and her eyes began to water. “Oh god. What am I saying? I’m so sorry, Mikasa. I’m just an old woman rambling about the ghost in this room.”

“Ghost?” Mikasa frowned. It was important she got Carla back on track. “I’m sure he’s not a ghost, Mrs Yeager, he…”

“It is a ghost,” Carla insisted, “if it isn’t, then I’ve probably been thinking of Grisha’s son as my own, and I’m confused. Don’t mind me.” She stood up.

“But…” Mikasa was about to argue back when she saw the look on Carla’s face. She was silently begging her not to talk about it anymore.

“Come on,” Carla nudged her out of the room. “We’ve been in here for too long. Armin’s probably wondering where we are.”

Mikasa had no choice but to give up. As much as she wanted to talk about Eren with his mother, she could tell that Carla was going through a hard time and was trying her best not to think too much about it. She had to respect the older woman’s wishes; she would talk to her about him only when Carla was ready.

“Eren, huh,” she heard Carla murmur to herself behind her, “what a lovely name.”

The three of them continued to chat some more in the living room. Mikasa had lost interest in the conversation early on. She had come here to find clues to Eren’s disappearance, but aside from her cryptic conversation with Carla, she had nothing.

She turned her attention to the television. Even though it had been muted, she was able to follow what was going on. The program was about the humanitarian crisis in Hizuru and efforts to build up the tiny village of Sakana, which had been hit by a storm a couple of months ago.

Her insides began to squirm again. The guilty feeling of rejecting Levi’s invitation to the volunteer trip came back to haunt her. Yet, the thought of going to Hizuru to fix houses was not one she enjoyed.

She continued to watch the program. The reporter was speaking to people involved with the Sakana relief efforts. She was now talking to a Hizuruan man. Mikasa couldn’t hear what they were saying but she kept watching.

She looked at the man. He looked like any typical Hizuruan man – not that she would know, she hadn’t met any other Hizuruans besides her mother. He was tall, maybe a little taller than Jean. He had straight black hair that covered his forehead and a round face. His eyes were dark and he was wearing a black t-shirt. He looked like he was Levi’s age, a few years older than she was.

She had never seen him before. Yet, when she laid eyes on him, an overwhelming sense of familiarity came over her. Not only did she feel like she knew him, but he was someone she knew extremely well, someone she once trusted with her life. Someone she used to love.

It was Eren.

She jerked back in shock causing Carla and Armin to fix their attention on her. “What’s wrong, Mikasa?” Armin asked.

“Sorry,” Mikasa turned to Carla, “do you mind turning up the volume, please?”

“Of course,” Carla looked confused, but nodded.

The man was speaking Eldian with a Hizuruan accent. Mikasa recognised it because he spoke like her mother did. He didn’t sound like Eren at all; Eren had a boyish voice, while this man’s voice was deep. He was talking passionately about the poor housing situation in Sakana and urging people to do what they could to help. She looked at the ribbon on the bottom of the screen where his name was displayed.

_Ren._

What was going on? First, the love of her life disappeared. Next, no one seemed to remember him and all evidence that he existed had vanished. And finally, she saw him again, only as someone of a different race and nationality, in a different country.

What the hell?

She couldn’t explain how she knew that the person was Eren. All she knew was that as soon as she saw him, she had a strong feeling in her gut that it was Eren she was looking at. She didn’t know why he was Hizuruan, how he’d managed to change everything about himself, from his race to his height (although he didn’t seem to be very creative with his name) or why he hadn’t said anything about this to her.

Was this what Carla had been speaking about earlier? Déjà vu? The feeling of familiarity for someone she’d never met before?

She studied Carla and Armin’s expressions, to see if they, like her, had recognised Eren on the screen. They hadn’t; they seemed to be watching the program with concern, taken in by the man’s passionate speech. There did not seem to be any flicker of recognition on their faces.

She turned her attention back to Ren. He was now speaking to a couple of Hizuruan children. A pang of sadness hit her. The smile he was giving them was the same smile Eren would give her. It was the same smile on a different face, but there was no mistaking it.

She watched him some more, her mind processing a million thoughts at once. If she was confused before, there was no word for how she was feeling now.

However, one thing was clear: she was closer to finding Eren now than she’d been before.


	5. Friendship

Mikasa frowned at the huge stack of paper before her. She hadn’t even begun and her head was already hurting from the sheer volume of work she had to do.

Part of her duties as class representative had been to get the class to fill out a mandatory schoolwide survey, where students gave their opinions on various aspects of the school, ranging from learning facilities to future prospects. Her role had been to compile their answers into a single spreadsheet and forward it to the homeroom teacher.

The survey in question, however, was over five pages long per student. There were thirty students in class, so the other class representative Marlo and she had decided to divide the work between themselves. It was still a lot of work for one person, though. She wanted to get the surveys out of the way before she got back to her usual exam preparation. As a result, she had decided to work in the Trost Library today. It was open for 24 hours with an all-night café across the street. She had decided it would be the perfect place to work without getting distracted and had made her way there after school with her laptop, surveys, textbooks, notebooks and stationery.

Boy, she was _not_ looking forward to tonight at all.

They were now well into March, with two weeks to go for their entrance exams. Mikasa felt that her preparations were going pretty well, but she knew how hard it was to get into the Medicine course in Trost. There was no such thing as too prepared.

But before she could begin, she had something she needed to do.

“Hey,” Levi said as he answered the phone. “What’s up?”

“Hi,” Mikasa greeted back. She swallowed hard, mustering the courage she needed to say what she’d called him for. “I changed my mind.”

Levi didn’t answer. She could tell he was waiting for her to elaborate.

“I want to go with you,” she added, “to Hizuru. Are applications still open?”

“Yeah,” he said finally, and Mikasa did not miss the relief and pride in his voice. “I’m glad you decided to join us. I’ll send you an email with all the details.”

“Yeah,” Mikasa replied. Her knees were shaking again. “Thanks. Talk to you soon.”

She let out a deep breath. There was no turning back now.

Arming herself with a cup of coffee from the cafe, she got back to her seat and was surprised to hear a voice behind her. “Mikasa?”

She turned around to find Jean standing there, his laptop in one hand and school bag in the other.

“Oh. Hello, Jean,” she said, giving him a small smile. “What brings you here?”

She mentally kicked herself after saying that. He was obviously there to study, just like she was. He clearly hadn’t brought his laptop to the Trost Library to play _eroge_.

Her face burned.

She expected him to say something snarky, like he normally would, but instead he said, “Just trying to get some Eldian Lit done. May I join you?”

Mikasa usually preferred working alone, or with Armin and Eren. But she didn’t mind Jean’s company and was glad to have someone else around for what was potentially going to be a very long night. “By all means.”

Jean took a seat across from her. He placed his own laptop and books on the table, eyeing the pile of papers before her warily. “Are those the surveys we handed in today in class?”

“Yeah,” Mikasa picked one up. “Have to compile these into a spreadsheet and email them to Pixis tonight.”

 _“Tonight?”_ His eyes threatened to bulge out of his skull. “Mikasa, we just turned those in today! How does Pixis expect you to finish them all in a single night? Not to mention all of the other studying you’ve got to do…”

“It’ll be fine,” she insisted, taking a large sip of her coffee. “I’ve come prepared. Pixis doesn’t want this in tonight, we’re just doing it early to get it out of the way. And this is only half the class, Marlo’s doing the other half.”

“Marlo probably has Hitch and Boris helping him out,” he said, sounding annoyed. “Were you planning on finishing all of these by yourself?”

She just shrugged. What was _he_ getting so worked up for? It was her problem, not his.

His right eye began to twitch. “I’ll do half,” he said, picking up half the pile and placing it next to his things.

“What? No, don’t be silly,” she said, reaching forward to get her papers back. But he cut her off.

“You don’t get a say in this,” he said, gently pushing her back in her chair. “I texted you last week. I said I’d be happy to help anytime you needed it. And I’m _not_ happy to see you clearly overworked and not letting me know.”

She contemplated his words. She did have a bit of Chemistry to cover, too. Just because she had made preparations to work all night didn’t mean she had to go through with them.

“Please, Mikasa,” he said, shooting her a look she couldn’t quite understand. “Don’t make me worry more than I already do.”

His kindness was making her flush. Why was he being so uncharacteristically nice? She hadn’t done anything to deserve it. Up until a few days ago, she hadn’t even considered him as a friend.

Or maybe he’d always been this way and she had just never noticed.

“Alright,” she said finally. “I’ll send you a copy of the spreadsheet template I’m using. Um, what’s your email address?”

Jean gave her a look, as though taken aback that she didn’t already have it, but gave it to her nonetheless. They both got to work immediately.

Her original estimation for the task had been five hours, at the rate of three surveys per hour. But his offer had certainly lightened her load. She worked as quickly as she could, stopping occasionally to buy more coffee. By the time she had made it to her third cup, it had been over two hours and she had finished her pile.

Jean was a lot slower than she was, but he seemed to be working hard. She watched him type away, a look of intense concentration on his face. Sensing her eyes on him, Jean looked up and his gaze met hers.

She looked away, embarrassed at being caught staring. “I, uh,” she began, “need another coffee. Can I get you one?”

He glanced at the coffee cup beside her, the one she’d bought ten minutes ago that was still quite full. He raised an eyebrow. “Sure, thanks,” he replied, smirking slightly. “I’ll have a latte, too. Less sugar, though.”

Mikasa cringed internally at being caught lying and fled the scene. She wondered how he knew what kind of coffee she would be getting for herself and that she liked her coffee sweet.

She was embarrassed that Jean seemed to know her so well yet she didn’t know anything about him. As she waited in the cafe for the drinks, she made a list of questions to ask him so they could be on equal ground.

As soon as she received their drinks, she walked up to Jean and slammed his coffee next to his books. “What are you going to major in?” Mikasa demanded.

“Um. What?” Jean replied, surprised at her sudden hostility. “Oh, coffee. Thanks.”

He had finished his share of the surveys and the papers were stacked neatly beside her books. His Eldian Lit textbook was open and he had been looking something up on his laptop.

“When you go to university,” she said quietly, a little ashamed at how she had demanded answers out of him. It was infuriating how embarrassed she was getting without him even doing anything. “What are you going to major in?”

“Fine arts,” he replied. “And graphic design.” He gave her a small smile. “I know it’s no medicine, though.”

Ugh. There is was again. She was a terrible friend for not knowing these basic details about him when he seemed to know everything about her. She vowed to pay more attention to him from then on.

They went back to work, she on her Chemistry and him on his Eldian. Neither of them said anything after that. Mikasa didn’t mind; the silence was comfortable, and, through the repeated glances she would sneak at him, he seemed happy. Occasionally, he would glance up at her and catch her staring and that smirk would appear again.

She was getting on well with her studies and was satisfied with the progress she’d been making. After a few hours, she shut her textbook and decided to call it a night.

“I’m going home,” she announced. “I think I’ve done enough for today.”

Jean nodded. He switched his laptop off and began to gather his books.

“Are you done too?” Mikasa asked. For some reason she’d expected him to stay there all night. Tomorrow was Sunday, so they didn’t have school. She had always thought he was the kind of guy who lived in libraries.

“Nah,” he shrugged, “but I have all day to study tomorrow. I’ll walk you home.”

She was about to protest when she saw the look on his face: _don’t start now_. So she nodded, wrapping her scarf around her neck.

They walked through the streets of Trost in silence. She wasn’t sure if he knew where she lived. In fact, she was pretty sure this was the first time they’d been alone together for so long.

“Thanks,” she said, “for helping me out earlier. And for walking me home. I hope I didn’t cause you too much trouble.”

“All good,” Jean replied, shoving his hands deeper into the pockets of his coat. “You’re never trouble, Mikasa, I’ll always be there for you anytime. Besides, mum and Gabriel are going to be pleased to see me home this early.”

There was something else she didn’t know about him: he had a brother. “How old is Gabriel?” she asked. “Do you two get along well?”

“Fifty-four,” he said, raising his eyebrow at the question.

“ _Fifty-four?_ ” Mikasa replied, shocked. She wondered how old Jean’s mother must’ve been to have a fifty-four-year-old son.

“Yeah,” he said nonchalantly. With a smirk, he added, “We get along as well as any guy and his stepfather would.”

She smacked him in the arm, annoyed at him for leading her on and herself for thinking he had a fifty-four-year-old brother. He laughed.

Thankfully, he changed the subject after that. “And how is your friend Eren Yeager doing?”

Mikasa froze. So much for changing the subject. “I’m not sure,” she said carefully, “I haven’t heard from him in a while.”

“Hm,” Jean pulled one of his hands out of his pockets to adjust his scarf. “I know you don’t want my opinion on this, but he’s a dick. The worst kind. He shouldn’t be making you worry like this.”

Mikasa wanted to tell him he was wrong, but after what she’d seen on Carla’s television, she wasn’t sure herself. Then she remembered something. “You said I made you worry. Earlier.”

“Well, I didn’t say you weren’t a dick, too,” he shrugged.

She smacked him in the side again and laughed. “I’m going to see him soon,” she said, her stomach tumbling at the thought. “I’ll let you know how he is then.”

Jean nodded. Was it just her, or did he look disappointed? She studied his expression, but he kept his poker face on.

They continued to walk. The streets were crowded with people getting home from their night out, many of them drunk. She was glad she had someone beside her.

“So, um, I was thinking, if you’re okay with it, we could go together,” he spoke up. “To the university.”

She frowned. What university was he talking about? “Huh?”

They were almost at her building now. She could see her bedroom window from where they stood.

“To the university for our entrance exam,” he clarified. “We could travel together. I clearly don’t live near you, but I can come here and we could catch a bus or something. I wouldn’t mind your company. Only if you want to, that is.”

“Wait,” Mikasa stopped before climbing the stairs. “You’re trying to get into Trost, too?”

They’d been studying for the same entrance exam all night and she hadn’t even noticed. Talk about self-absorbed.

“Yeah,” he said. When he saw the look of distressed she looked, he said, “it’s fine, I didn’t really expect you to know.”

Mikasa was more annoyed than comforted by his statement. She wanted to get to know him better. Not just because he was a part of their group, but because Jean was genuinely kind and funny and she wanted to get closer to him. “I would like that,” she said, giving him a small smile.

They stopped outside her apartment door. Jean looked like he wanted to say something but shook his head instead. “Good night, then.” He quickly turned around and walked towards the stairs before she could say anything.

“Oh well,” She dug around her bag for her keys, “good night to you too, I guess.”

***

 **Sasha** changed the group name from “ **Success Squad** ” to “ **I CAN’T STUDY ANYMORE MY BRAIN IS FRIED** ”

 **Sasha** : Guys

 **Sasha** : Help

 **Sasha** : I can’t study anymoreeeeeee :(

 **Connie** : Same. I just threw my physics textbook at the wall

You changed the group name from “ **I CAN’T STUDY ANYMORE MY BRAIN IS FRIED** ” to “ **Success Squad** ”

 **Sasha** : What’s the point Mikasa

 **Sasha** : We’re not going to pass

 **You** : Not with that kind of attitude

 **Armin** : Cheer up, Sasha! Just one more week to go! After exams, you won’t have to study anymore!

 **Armin** : And then you get to go to Frankreich!

 **You** : Frankreich?

 **Connie** : Yeah, we decided on Frankreich last week when you were on the phone

 **Jean** : Can you stop spamming I’m actually trying to study here

 **Sasha** changed the group name from “ **Success Squad** ” to “ **FRANKREICH BITCHES** ”

 **Jean** : That’s not…that doesn’t even rhyme, Sasha

 **Sasha** : Who cares? We’re going to Frankreich, baby!

 **Sasha** : CROISSANTS!!! CREPES!!! ESCARGOT!!! SOUFFLE!!! MACARONS!!! CRÈME BRULEE!!!

 **Sasha** is typing…

 **Sasha** is typing…

 **Sasha** is typing…

 **Connie** : Yeah, she’s going to go on for a while

 **Jean** : Has everyone got their passports ready?

 **Armin** : I got mine done recently

 **Connie** : Same

 **Sasha** : AND ALL THE HAM WE CAN EAT!!!

 **Sasha** : Ok, I’ll stop now

 **Sasha** : Need to get my passport done >.< Mikasa, want to come with? We can do ours together!

 **You** : Mine’s ready

 **Sasha** : Oh :( that just leaves me I guess. I’ll get mine done soon!

 **Connie** : I’m looking forward to this!

 **Jean** : Me too

 **Armin** : I’m just happy we’ll be together

 **You** : Um, guys

 **You** : There’s something I have to tell you

 **Sasha** : Mikasa, if you dare say you’re not bringing your bikini to Frankreich, I will steal it from your closet and put it in my suitcase

 **Connie** : Wait what

 **Jean** : Mikasa, you have a bikini?

 **You** : Can we focus

 **You** : What I wanted to say was

 **You** : I’m not going with you to Frankreich

 **Sasha** : WHAT??? WHY???

 **Connie** : Come on, Mikasa. What reason could you possibly have for not wanting to come?

 **Jean** : Don’t do this to us

 **You** : My cousin Levi is going to Hizuru that week on a volunteer trip

 **You** : He’s going to be helping build up this village

 **You** : I’m going with him

 **Armin** : But…why? Didn’t you tell him you had plans with us?

 **Jean** : And I got the impression you weren’t exactly the biggest fan of Hizuru

 **You** : SJDKSJDFGVBKJMFDCG

 **You** : If they don’t have enough people go on this trip it will be cancelled and Levi and the others won’t be able to help those people

 **You** : I’ve already applied and have been chosen. I’m in the process of getting my visa and other stuff ready

 **You** : Sorry, guys

 **Sasha** changed the group name from “ **FRANKREICH BITCHES** ” to “ **this sucks** ”

Mikasa picked up her phone to find Armin calling her.

“Hello?” she said.

“I’m coming over,” he said simply, before hanging up.

Fifteen minutes later, Armin was sitting on Mikasa’s couch.

“So,” he said finally, after Mikasa determined he wasn’t just there to say hi. “What made you decide to go to Hizuru?”

“I told you,” she began, ready to spout off the story she’d practised, “Levi was –”

“Mikasa,” he interrupted, “please don’t insult my intelligence. For two years, you’ve tried to keep away from everything related to Hizuru and now you want to travel there? I don’t buy it.”

“How did you –”

“I’m your best friend,” he replied, “I notice things.”

She sighed. As much as she wanted to tell him the truth, she could not bear him calling her crazy.

“You’re not going to believe me if I tell you,” she said. Truth be told, she wanted to talk to someone; she wanted to tell Armin about Eren and Ren; she wanted to be able to share her secret. But would Armin believe her? He was the smartest guy she knew and wouldn’t want to believe something he couldn’t explain.

She couldn’t blame him. If their roles were reversed, she wouldn’t have believed him either.

“Try me,” he said. He gave her an encouraging smile.

Mikasa took a deep breath and told Armin the whole story. She told him how Eren had saved her life. She told him how he had helped her build her life up again. She told him how she had fallen in love with him. She told him how he had disappeared on her birthday. She told him how no one, including himself, seemed to remember nor know about Eren. She told him how she immediately recognised him on TV as the Hizuruan man Ren.

Finally, she explained how Levi was meant to volunteer in Hizuru but wouldn’t be able to go if the program didn’t have enough volunteers. That bit, she insisted, was true.

“You probably don’t believe me,” she said, after she had finished her story and Armin hadn’t said anything.

He remained silent. He seemed to be staring off into space, lost in his own thoughts.

“That’s okay,” Mikasa shrugged. “I’m used to it. I wouldn’t have believed me, either.”

Armin continued to remain silent.

“I can’t back out of the Hizuru thing now,” she explained, hoping he would understand. “That’s why I can’t go to Frankreich with you. I’ve already made most of my travel preparations. And I can’t do that to Levi; I can’t flake on him after agreeing to go.”

“I’ll go with you,” he said suddenly.

“I – what?” Mikasa was shocked.

“I’ll go with you,” he repeated. “To Hizuru. Put me in touch with the person who’s organising the thing.”

“You want to go to Hizuru with us,” she said in disbelief.

“Yeah,” Armin looked away. “It would be selfish of us to go to Frankreich when there are Hizuruans who need help. Also, it sounds like Levi really wants to go. We can’t have him lose the opportunity.”

Mikasa studied him. He was still looking away. Something told her that Armin wasn’t being truthful with her.

Then she thought about Armin’s recent behaviour. He’d been strange when she’d met up with him outside school and he’d been strange later at the Yeagers’.

“Armin,” she said slowly. “You…you feel it too, don’t you?”

He said nothing.

“You remember him,” she continued, “you remember Eren, like I do. And you can’t explain it. It’s killing you inside.”

He finally turned around to face her. Taking a deep breath, he began to speak.

“When I caught up with you outside school last week,” he explained, “and my book fell on the ground, it reminded me of how I used to get bullied there in the first year. And I had always remembered you as the one who had stood up to the bully. But that day, for some reason, it wasn’t you in my memories.” He paused. “It was a boy. He was telling the bully to back off, not you. He had brown hair and green eyes. And when I asked you what Eren Yeager looked like later…”

“It was the same boy you’d seen in your memories,” finished Mikasa, the pieces finally falling into place.

“Correct,” Armin nodded. “And again when we went to the Yeagers’ apartment later. I had been there before, back when you lived there. I remember hanging out with you on that couch and in your room and doing homework on the dining table. But that day,” he took a deep breath, “when the memories came back, I could remember someone else there. A third person. It was the same boy with brown hair and green eyes. I was teaching him Maths and he was a lousy learner.”

He turned to Mikasa, his blue eyes looking straight into her grey ones. “I don’t know if that person Ren from Hizuru is the same boy I remember. I don’t even know why this person is in my memories, this person I’ve never met. And it’s been bugging me since that day.”

Mikasa, on hearing Armin’s story, was overcome with emotion. She gave Armin another one of her surprise hugs, blinking back tears.

“I’m…so happy,” she said, her voice quavering. “You believe me. I’m not crazy. And Eren…he’s real, Armin. This proves everything!”

“But we still don’t know anything, do we?” Armin said. “We don’t know if everyone’s memories have been modified or only ours. We don’t know why this is happening. And we don’t know how that guy Ren is connected to Eren.”

“Ren _is_ Eren,” Mikasa insisted.

“Sure,” he shrugged. “At this point, I honestly believe that anything’s possible.”

They sat in silence for a while. Mikasa then remembered something.

“When I spoke to Carla last week,” she said, “she said something about remembering a child she didn’t have when she knew she couldn’t have children. A boy that lived in the room I had apparently been living in. That was Eren, wasn’t it? Carla’s like you. She remembers him, but she doesn’t know who he is.”

Armin nodded. “This is fascinating,” he murmured. “It’s so weird and it’s happening to us. If it was happening to someone else I wouldn’t have believed it.”

Mikasa nodded. Eren hadn’t just been important to her. He had impacted Armin and Carla, too. How cruel was he to just vanish after all he’d done?

“I just want to see him again,” she said in a small voice, “If only to thank him for everything he’s done for me. Even if he can’t come back to us, I just want him to know…how grateful I am…”

Armin gave her a sideways glance. “So you’re not going to tell him how you feel about him, then? Instead of just thanking him, that is.”

Mikasa looked away. She tried to imagine confessing her love to Ren and couldn’t picture it at all.

“Well,” Armin stood up. “I’m going to leave now. I want to go through that book I’ve borrowed to see if I can find out anything about this.”

She nodded. “And, um, are you going to tell the others about Hizuru?” she asked. The group chat had been silent after she’d made her announcement and she had a feeling the others were talking about her behind her back. Armin had admitted that Sasha had tried to call him three times before he came over to Mikasa’s and Connie had called him twice. He hadn’t answered any of their calls.

He sighed. “I’ll have to call them back to see what they want. I don’t want to upset them more than they already are, but they have to know. Are you going to say anything?”

“I will,” Mikasa replied. “I’ll apologise to them, in a few hours maybe.”

But she didn’t have to wait that long because the group chat began to beep an hour after Armin had left.

 **Sasha** : Hey

 **Sasha** : Mikasa

 **Sasha** : Listen

 **Connie** : We’ve decided to forgive you for changing your plans suddenly

 **Sasha** : And for not telling us about Hizuru before

 **You** : Okay, um, thanks I guess?

 **You** : I’m sorry too

 **Sasha** : UNDER ONE CONDITION

 **You** : Aaaaaand here it comes

 **Jean** : Mikasa, just so you know, this is all Sasha’s idea and I had nothing to do with this

 **Connie** : He’s lying. He’s the one who suggested it

 **You** : What is it?

 **Sasha** : We’ll forgive you for this betrayal, but ONLY if you carry your bikini with you when we go to Hizuru

 **You** : I already told you, I’m not

 **You** : Hang on

 **You** : Did you say

 **Armin** : Yup. You read that right.

 **Sasha** changed the group name from “ **this sucks** ” to “ **Hizuru, Baby!** ”

 **Connie** : I contacted Levi. He’s sent us the applications

 **Jean** : We’re all going to Hizuru with you


	6. Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After writing this chapter I realised it was super long and had to split it into two parts. That's why this chapter is mostly filler and ends so abruptly, hopefully the next one makes up for it. Enjoy the double update!

The next two weeks passed by in a blur. Entrance exams were around the corner and the gang was studying harder than ever. They all had first choice schools they wanted to get into, but each of them had a couple of safety schools, too, which meant more exams to prepare for.

While they’d been studying, they also had preparations to make for their upcoming trip to Hizuru. First, they had to apply to the University of Trost and attend an interview, where they had to answer questions ranging from describing their prior volunteer experience to demonstrating cultural sensitivity. Finally, once they’d been selected, they had to arrange for their passports, visas, health insurance and attend mandatory training – the list went on.

Mikasa missed Eren tremendously the whole time. It felt strange going through exams and graduation and everything else without him – this was always something they’d talked about doing together. While Eren hadn’t wanted to go to university in Eldia, he had always wanted to travel the world and study abroad. She wondered if that was why he was in Hizuru, masquerading as the Hizuruan man Ren.

Their entrance exams approached quickly. On the day of Trost’s exam, as promised, Mikasa and Jean travelled to the university together.

“So,” he asked, after they’d finished their obligatory discussion of how nervous or prepared they felt. “Your friend, Eren Yeager. Has he made up for being a shithead to you?”

“Uh,” she paused, wondering what the best lie in this situation would be, “he’s, uh, I haven’t seen him yet.”

“Oh?” Jean perked an eyebrow in interest. “He’s still avoiding you, then? What a tool.”

“He’s not avoiding me, he just, um,” she was about to stretch the lie when it occurred to her that Jean technically wasn’t wrong. Eren had been avoiding her, hadn’t he? He had changed his identity and moved to another country, yet he hadn’t bothered explaining to her or Armin or his parents – the people who cared about him the most – why he’d done so. Jean didn’t know it, but he’d been stirring up the tiny bit of resentment she’d felt towards Eren with his snarky comments.

Or did he? She recalled that Jean had always been slightly antagonistic towards Eren, for reasons she’d never bothered to learn. Even now, he still didn’t like him despite not knowing who he was.

“Your opinion of him – Eren – is quite low, isn’t it?” Mikasa said, her eyes on Jean. “You don’t know him at all, yet you act like he’s your sworn enemy or something.”

“Enemy is a strong word,” he replied, shifting hands so his left hand was holding the bus handhold instead of his right, “he’s more of a rival, if I had to give it a name.”

“Rival?” she asked, narrowing her eyes. “What for?”

Jean just shrugged. Instead, he said, “He needs to treat you better. I can’t imagine anyone treating you like crap and living. Hell, I don’t know _why_ anyone would ghost you of all people when you –” he stopped when he realised he was going off on a tangent. “Never mind. I hope you’ll forgive me, for insulting your ‘friend’ constantly. But, if he thinks he can get away with treating you like this, he’s got a death wish.”

She wanted so badly to defend Eren, but she knew that her argument didn’t have any legs to stand on.

“I’m not going to let him get away with it this time,” was all she said in response.

Their exams went well; Jean’s had gone smoothly, but while Mikasa had begun to panic in the first five minutes, she soon found her footing and managed to get through the rest of the tests.

Their results arrived a few days later. Mikasa, thankfully, had gotten into her first-choice university of Trost and had managed to secure a place in their medicine program. Sasha had gotten into Karanes and John had gotten into Trost, too. Connie hadn’t gotten into Ehrmich, much to his dismay, but he had managed to get into Shiganshina University, which he didn’t seem to mind. Even Armin, who’d been trying to get into the most prestigious university in the country, Mitras University, had gotten in with top scores.

With everything out of the way, they were finally ready to go to Hizuru. And Mikasa was ready to confront Ren.

***

“Welcome to Hizuru,” Erwin Smith said, gesturing to them all to come closer. After a three-hour flight, they had finally arrived at Shuto International Airport in Hizuru’s capital city.

Erwin Smith was a representative of the Wings of Freedom, an organisation that worked with Hizuru to improve living conditions in rural areas. He was a good ten or fifteen years older than everyone else in the group, which was understandable given that the other nineteen volunteers were high schoolers and university students.

Although there were many people from the University of Trost, some of whom volunteered with Levi and were friends with him, Mikasa was surprised to see several people her age, too. She’d overheard Armin having a conversation with Historia, a girl from Rose Academy, who’d explained that she and her friends had been inspired to volunteer after watching a Hizuruan man talk about the plight of the country on TV and seeing his passion towards rebuilding the little village.

Mikasa had a feeling she knew who Historia was talking about.

“Before we move on,” Erwin said, clearing his throat to get her attention back, “I’d like to introduce you to our liaison for this trip. He’s a local who’s worked with us to sort out your living arrangements and your activities for the week. He’s going to be our main point of contact while we’re here, so if you have any questions, please feel free to ask him. Everyone, this is Ren.”

Mikasa was surprised to hear Ren’s name; she had not expected to run into him as soon as they’d arrived in the country. But there was no mistaking it: the man who’d emerged from behind Erwin was the same man she had seen on TV. And now that she was seeing him in person, the familiarity she felt was stronger. She was more certain that he _was_ Eren.

“It’s good to meet you all,” Ren said in his Hizuruan accent. His smile was warm. He looked and sounded nothing like Eren Yeager, but she knew differently.

She turned to Armin, who’d been trying to catch her eye from the front, and gave a small nod.

Erwin took charge again and went on to explain the purpose of the trip, what was expected out of them and what they would be doing. Mikasa had already heard all of this during the training sessions so she zoned out. She studied Ren instead.

She didn’t have a concrete plan as to what she would do after arriving in Hizuru: so far, her plan all month had been something along the lines of: _1\. Go to Hizuru 2. Find Ren 3. Yell at him 4. Convince him to go back to being Eren_. Yet now that she’d achieved steps 1 and 2, she wasn’t sure what to do next. Yelling at him at the airport before nineteen other people would be extremely improper, so that would have to wait.

An idea came to her. She’d been wearing the red scarf again, like she’d been doing all month. If Eren truly was the one to give her the scarf, he had to show some reaction to her still wearing it, right?

She discreetly tried to push herself through the crowd of students until she was in front of the pack next to Armin.

Ren was nodding along to whatever Erwin was saying. He hadn’t noticed her yet. Thinking fast, she nudged Armin sharply in the side.

“Oww!” Armin yelped loudly, causing everyone to turn towards him. Mikasa gave them an apologetic smile, gesturing to them to keep going.

This had been enough to get Ren’s attention, too; he turned towards the source of the commotion. His face remained expressionless, like he did not recognise her at all.

She was disappointed. But she hadn’t given up yet.

Because, despite him appearing to not recognise Armin and her, she hadn’t missed the subtle way his eyes had widened on seeing that scarf wrapped around her neck.

She had to investigate further.

***

Mikasa had always thought of Hizuru as a poor country with no roads or proper civilisation. This, coupled with the stories her mother had told her of fantastic traditions, rich culture and mysterious people, had painted a very vivid image of a country whose people did folk dances and ate around bonfires and lived in huts by the beach.

After a bit of sensitivity training as a part of the volunteer program, she now realised that her thoughts had been extremely racist. Not to mention that now she was finally in Hizuru, it was nothing like she imagined it to be.

As they were expected to volunteer at the little village of Sakana in the south, which was over two and a half hours away from the capital city of Shuto, they had to take a bus from the airport. Mikasa gazed out of the window the entire time.

Hizuru was extremely green. There was vegetation everywhere, even in what appeared to be cities. She had not expected to see many cities, but it appeared that the country was doing its best to get back up on its feet. The climate was very humid and within minutes Mikasa was sweating through her scarf. Not that she was going to take it off.

 _I’m just here to see Eren,_ she reminded herself. _Just have to talk to him and find out why. And convince him to come back._

As usual, her eyes travelled towards Ren, who was deep in conversation with Erwin.

She continued to think, plotting her next move. That was until she heard giggles next to her. She turned to her side to find Sasha watching her while stuffing her face with some kind of snack.

“What.” Mikasa said flatly.

Sasha didn’t respond. She continued to shove the Hizuruan snack in her mouth and giggle. Her eyes darted between Mikasa and Ren and Erwin at the front. Mikasa paled when she understood what Sasha was trying to imply.

“No,” she began, before Sasha could say anything. “I don’t –”

“YOU TOTALLY HAVE A CRUSH ON ERWIN SMITH,” Sasha almost screamed, before leaning back and roaring with laughter. Crumbs of the seaweed snack she had been eating spilled down her front.

“Sasha, you’re gross,” Mikasa said quietly. “And I don’t –”

“If you have your eye on Erwin, I would advise you to change your mind,” Levi, who had been sitting on the other side of the bus next to Sasha, interrupted. “He’s not available. And he’s definitely going to break your heart.”

“I do not –”

“Erwin Smith?” The girl sitting next to Levi, who Mikasa knew as his friend Hange, jumped out of her seat. “No way! He’s way too old for you, Mikasa! And you know you need to go out with someone Levi wouldn’t hesitate to beat up, to protect his fragile ego.” She pinched Levi in the cheek, who stomped on her foot in retaliation.

Mikasa buried her face in her hands, ashamed of all of the attention she was getting. She did not dare look at Ren for the rest of the bus trip.

***

“It’s quite sad, how that storm destroyed this beautiful little village,” Petra, one of Levi’s friends, said. It was late afternoon and they had finally arrived at Sakana. As expected, the entire village had been devastated.

It was evident that Sakana had been a once thriving village. Located on the coast to the south of the country, it used to be the heart of Hizuru's fishing industry. But the village had lost approximately twenty percent of its population to the war, which, given that it wasn’t involved as much as the rest of the country, didn’t seem like a lot. But the village population had already been low before; and, after the fierce storm that had taken place two months ago, it had dwindled to less than a hundred.

“The breadwinners of many of these families were out at sea when the storm took place,” Hange explained. She was the head of the Uni Trost volunteer group and had certainly done her homework when it came to Sakana. “The ones who were left behind had managed to flee to safety, but the storm damaged their homes.”

Mikasa felt a pang of sadness for this little village. She knew what it was like to lose everything to unforeseen circumstances and how hopeless it felt to try again. She surveyed the area: the village wasn’t far from the seashore and had an abundance of strong coconut trees and white sand. She noticed that some of the homes seemed wretched and uninhabitable: their roofs were gone and windows were broken, while others, which she assumed had sustained minimal damage, were hastily patched together with coconut leaves and pieces of wood.

“Everyone, gather around,” Erwin Smith called, a clipboard in his hand. The volunteers crowded around him to hear what he had to say.

“We have had over ten families here sign up to host you,” he explained. “They will provide you with a place to sleep, some meals and hospitality for the next week. The twenty of you have been divided into pairs and each pair has been assigned to a host.” He gestured to his right. A small group of villagers were huddled to the side, looking quite bashful of the foreigners near them.

“I’m going to announce the pairs and the hosts now,” he said. “I’ve tried my best to pair you up with your friends or another friendly face, so I hope you’re happy with your assignments. When I call your names and the name of your host, please find the other half of your pair and stand next to your host. First up, Bertolt and Reiner – Azumi.”

Two boys from Rose Academy walked towards the old Hizuruan woman who had stepped forward.

Mikasa hoped her friends would be paired together. She knew that one of them would have to have a partner from outside the group and she crossed her fingers and hoped it was someone they got along with.

Erwin went on to announce a list of names, most of them Rose Academy students. Finally, he said, “Connie and Armin – Kishi.”

Armin and Connie were relieved to be paired up together. They made their way towards Kishi, a younger man who was waving at them.

“Sasha and Mikasa – Kiyomi.”

Mikasa sighed in relief. She was not the friendliest and had been afraid of being paired with someone she didn’t know well. Even though she was slightly annoyed by Sasha's antics in the bus, she wouldn’t have wanted anyone else. They grinned at each other and turned towards the woman who had stepped forward. Kiyomi was a middle-aged woman with her hair up in a bun, giving them a small smile as they made their way towards her.

“Jean and Levi – Ren.”

Ren nodded at the boys from his place next to Erwin. Mikasa’s eyes widened. This was an unexpected development, but she definitely wasn’t complaining. She was glad that Jean was going to be with Levi of all people and vice versa. She was also glad that Ren would be hosting them, which gave her an excuse to get closer to him and find out his secrets.

Jean, on the other hand, looked uncomfortable. She realised that Jean only knew of Levi from the training sessions they’d attended – he hadn’t formally been introduced to him. Levi looked relieved that he wasn’t made to live with Hange. Mikasa could see him sizing Jean up, deciding if he was a worthy partner or not. She hoped the two of them would become friends over the week.

Erwin finished reading out the list and went on to give them a few more instructions for living in Hizuru. Everyone received a schedule for the week, which listed their reporting times, what they would be doing for the next seven days and what meals they would be sharing with their hosts. Ren, in rapid Hizuruan, then encouraged the hosts to take their wards to town so they could buy local SIM cards and exchange their Eldian money to Hizuruan.

While Mikasa’s Hizuruan was nowhere near fluent, she knew enough to follow what Ren was saying. Her mother had tried to teach her the language when she was little, but Mikasa had only managed to pick up a little bit before she developed an aversion to it.

After Erwin dismissed them, Sasha and Mikasa bowed politely to Kiyomi, like they’d been instructed to. All of the volunteers had been taught to greet their hosts and introduce themselves in Hizuruan. “Hello,” they said, their Eldian accents affecting the pronunciation. “We are Sasha and Mikasa. Thank you for having us over.”

“My pleasure,” Kiyomi replied in perfect Eldian. The girls sighed in relief; having a host who could speak Eldian was a huge load off their backs. “You…” She looked at Mikasa, switching to Hizuruan. “You’re Hizuruan, aren’t you?”

“Yes, that’s right,” Mikasa replied back in Hizuruan, before switching to Eldian. “My mother was a refugee in Eldia.”

“Oh, I see,” Kiyomi smiled at her. “I am glad to hear she has a good life now. The war has not been kind to us.”

Mikasa didn’t bother correcting her. Kiyomi seemed nice and she didn’t want to make her uncomfortable with her tragic backstory. Instead, she glanced at Sasha, who took the hint and quickly changed the subject.

Kiyomi led them to her house, which was a few minutes away from where the bus had dropped them off. Her house was similar to the ones they’d seen before, albeit in a better condition than most. It was a small, one-story wooden house with a tiny garden outside. One section of the roof had been patched with coconut leaves.

“ _Obaachan_?” Mikasa heard a small voice call from inside the house as Kiyomi unlocked the door.

“My granddaughter, Nami,” Kiyomi explained as she pushed the door open. “It is just the two of us now. My daughter lost her life to the war, my son-in-law to the storm.”

“I’m so sorry,” Sasha said sympathetically, while Mikasa murmured in agreement. She still hadn’t warmed up to this country, but the plight of these people was making her sad.

“This is Sasha and Mikasa,” Kiyomi introduced the two girls to her granddaughter, who had come bounding into the living room as soon as the girls had entered. “These are the two girls I told you about, the ones from Eldia who would be living with us for a week. Please remember to speak Eldian around them, dear.”

“Oh,” Nami replied. She looked to be around nine years old, with thick black hair up to her neck and large brown eyes. She gazed at them with a big smile. “I’m Nami! I like meeting you!”

“Sorry, her Eldian is very poor,” Kiyomi said hastily, leading the two girls away from the living room. “I have been practising with her all week, but…”

“That’s okay!” Sasha let go of her bag and knelt down so she was at Nami’s level. “We like meeting you, too!” She ruffled the girl’s hair, who, in turn, beamed in delight.

Kiyomi led them to a room, which was small but comfortable. It was completely bare aside from an attached closet on one end. “My granddaughter sleeps with me, so you will have this room to yourselves. You can leave your things here and I will show you around the rest of the house.”

The girls quickly put their suitcases and backpacks away. Kiyomi then showed them around, while Nami trailed behind, excited because of the guests staying over. She then gave them half an hour to rest before she took them to town.

Sasha and Mikasa wanted to wash up and change out of their clothes. They then learnt that, in order to take a shower, they would have to fetch water from the pump outside, heat it up on a fire and take it to the bathroom indoors. Part of their job in restoring the village would involve bringing water, electricity and gas back to the houses, as it had been cut off after the storm and major repairs were required, but until then, they would have to do without. Needless to say, they changed their minds and decided to shower after arriving back from town.

Kiyomi was extremely kind to the girls. She went on apologising for the lack of running water, electricity and gas in the house. She went out of their way to make sure they were comfortable and was constantly checking on them to see if they needed anything.

They were glad to have their hands on SIM cards from town, which meant that they could finally use their phones. Erwin had warned them not to use their phones too much, as most houses did not have power and they would have to charge their phones at the school nearby, which somehow was wired for electricity despite not being in use. They had been advised to carry portable chargers instead and take turns charging those.

They would reunite with the others directly for a banquet dinner, which was at the schoolhouse again. All of the host families would be there, as the schoolhouse was the largest building in the village and was large enough to fit them all. They had been asked to use the time until then to get to know their hosts.

While Sasha got to work helping Kiyomi with the meal she was bringing to dinner that night, Mikasa took it on herself to entertain Nami. The girl was quite the chatterbox and she’d been constantly talking since they’d arrived. Mikasa didn’t mind; she wasn’t very good with children usually but she thought Nami was adorable.

Nami wanted to know everything about Eldia – what the people were like, what she ate for dinner and what kind of games they played. Mikasa answered to the best of her ability. She described kendo to Nami, who was delighted.

“Me and Yukio will go to Eldia someday to play kendo,” she said excitedly. “He don’t want to come, so I will kidnip him!”

“Kidnap,” Mikasa corrected. “And who’s Yukio?”

“Yukio is my friend!” Nami grinned. “We play together! I will make you meet him today!”

Mikasa smiled at the little girl and went on to read to her from an Eldian storybook she had. She wondered how the others were doing and couldn’t wait to see them that night.


	7. Pride

Dinner came, and Mikasa was eager to meet up with the others again. They had gathered in the schoolhouse, all of them clean and fresh. A large table had been covered with all kinds of Hizuruan food, from the noodles Kiyomi had prepared to the grilled squid Kishi had brought. Someone had even brought little red bean dumplings on skewers.

She hated Hizuruan food. She hadn’t eaten any since her parents had died and had developed a distaste for it, to the point where the smell and taste of Hizuruan food made her sick. But she had long accepted that being on this trip meant she would be eating a lot of it. Her stomach rumbled loudly. She had to eat. Not just for Levi, who was the reason she was on this trip, but for Eren. She would eat all of the Hizuruan food she had to for a chance to meet Eren – sorry, _Ren_ – and ask him why he was being such a bitch.

“Kishi’s the best!” Connie said enthusiastically as he took a big bite of fried chicken on a skewer. “He’s a really friendly guy. He doesn’t speak much Eldian, but we’ve been teaching him.”

“We helped him cook this grilled squid,” Armin added. The four of them had gathered at one end of the room, chowing down all kinds of Hizuruan delicacies. He waved the skewer he was holding. “I made this one! I know because I marked it on one end with a bit of charcoal.” He took a bite and grimaced, “I probably could’ve done a better job, though.”

“Kiyomi’s really nice too!” Sasha said. “And her granddaughter, Nami, is so cute!”

They chattered away as they ate. Mikasa surveyed the room, wondering where Jean was. Everyone around them was eating and laughing and having fun. She spotted Levi in one corner of the room, arguing with his friend Hange while the other Trost Uni students roared in laughter. Erwin Smith was talking to a few Rose Academy students and villagers, Kiyomi among them. She could even see Ren seated on a cushion by himself.

She noticed Nami in the middle of the room talking to a little boy. Strangely enough, Jean was with them, chuckling as Nami chattered away to both of them. She could practically hear him talking to the children in that gentle voice he used with her when he thought she was being a pain in the ass. _Cute._

She remembered her mother telling her about Hizuruan banquets, how entire extended families would get together and take a bit of food and talk and laugh. She imagined her mother at a party like this, talking and laughing with the villagers. A warm glow filled her inside.

She missed her parents but had no doubt her mother would’ve been proud to see her in Hizuru. She made a mental note to honour her mother’s memory at some point during the week.

Mikasa made her way to the table to grab more food. She had been dreading dinner all day but the food was surprisingly nice. It reminded her so much of the meals her mother used to prepare.

She felt a little tug at her skirt. Nami had appeared beside her, looking up at her with her big brown eyes. “Mikasa, come.”

Mikasa obliged. She followed her to the centre of the room where Jean was feeding noodles to the little boy Nami had talking to earlier.

“Yukio!” Nami beamed, pointing at the boy. “My friend! And Jan! Jan is Yukio friend!”

Mikasa wondered why Nami was calling Jean “Jan” when she realised the Hizuruan language didn’t have the characters to pronounce his name correctly. “Jan” smiled on seeing her and she smiled back.

Yukio was a small boy around the same age as Nami. He had a chubby face and straight black hair that fell into his eyes.

“Hi, Yukio,” she said warmly. “My name is Mikasa. How are you?”

When Yukio didn’t answer, she repeated the question again, in Hizuruan.

“I can understand you just fine,” he replied in Eldian. “And I’m not going to talk to you. I hate Eldians.”

Mikasa eyed Jean sideways, wondering how he had managed to make friends with a boy who hated Eldians. Swallowing hard, she said something she never imagined she would say.

“I’m not Eldian,” she said. “I’m Hizuruan. Can’t you tell?”

Yukio studied her, as if looking at her for the first time. She watched him take in her Hizuruan features, from her black hair to her eyes. “Okay,” he said finally. His Eldian was clearly better than Nami’s. “You don’t look very Eldian. I guess I don’t hate you as much as the others. Bye!” He grabbed Nami’s hand and ran off.

Mikasa blinked as she watched them run away. “Why doesn’t he like Eldians?” she asked Jean.

Jean gazed at her, a pained expression on his face. “He’s been through a lot, from what I’ve been told,” he said. “He used to be a happy kid, but his father fled to Eldia when he was little and never returned. His mum and his stepdad were fisherfolk and they died in the storm. He hates Eldians because of his father and he’s been angry and sad since the storm. His grandmother and uncle have a hard time handling him – that little girl is the only one he talks to.”

She remembered how her own parents had been taken away from her. She felt sorry for little Yukio.

“So Yukio is Ren’s nephew,” she said. It hadn’t occurred to her that Eren might have family here. How did that even work? How could he be both Carla and Grisha’s son and simultaneously be Yukio’s uncle and a Hizuruan woman’s son and someone’s brother?

“Yeah,” he said. “Ren’s been taking care of him since his mum died, but it’s been hard. As you could tell, Yukio’s a little shit.”

“I saw you feeding him earlier, though,” Mikasa said, smiling at him. “You seem to have a way with little shits, _Jan_.”

“Well, I have to put up with you, don’t I?” Jean said. “Overworking yourself and making me worry all the time…”

She smacked him on the arm, as she’d be wont to do when he joked with her like that. “Shut up,” she said, “I let you help me last time, didn’t I? And you can’t compare me to Yukio. He’s more of a little shit than I am. But I saw him eating out of the palm of your hand. Literally.”

“Oh?” He gave her that secretive smirk he seemed to reserve only for her. “You’ve been watching me, then?”

“What? No, I was just…” Her face heated up and she immediately got flustered trying to think of a response to that. “You…I…”

“I’m kidding,” he laughed. “Nah, I gave the kid my phone and let him play Monster Strike on it. He drained my battery completely, but…” he gazed at Yukio and smiled, “it was worth it.”

Even though he wasn’t looking at her, Mikasa founded herself smiling too.

“Yo!” She turned around to find Connie waving at them from where he, Sasha and Armin were standing. “You guys going to keep flirting over there or do you plan on joining us tonight?”

Jean rolled his eyes. “Well,” he said. “As much as I would rather stay here and keep flirting with you, I should probably go say hi. You coming?”

Mikasa shook her head. There was something she wanted to do now that she had the opportunity. “You go ahead. I’ll join you later.”

She walked away from him to the corner of the room where Ren was sitting alone, a glass of peach tea in his hand. Her heart was thumping loudly in her chest. She tightened the red scarf around her neck. She was practically boiling in it, but still refused to take it off. Not when Ren had yet to acknowledge her.

Her mind was blank. She had dreamed of this moment for so long. Now that it was here, she didn’t know what she was going to say.

“Hello,” she said finally.

He turned to her and smiled. “Hey, how are you?”

She sat down on the cushion next to him. “I’m good, thanks,” she replied, as she tried to think of a way to approach the subject.

“You’re one of the kids living with Kiyomi, aren’t you?” he asked. “Thank you for agreeing to help out. What’s your name?”

It appeared that he was still playing dumb. Mikasa had no idea why he was doing so nor what his endgame was, but hearing Eren, her best friend, ask her what her name was made her grit her teeth.

“You know who I am,” she said quietly, watching to see his reaction.

Ren’s smile didn’t falter. “I don’t, sorry. I know Erwin mentioned your name while announcing the pairs, but yours has slipped my mind.”

She bristled with anger. _I’m Mikasa,_ she wanted to say. _Mikasa Ackerman. My name used to roll off your tongue so easily before. What changed?_

Mikasa didn’t answer his question. Instead, she leaned forward and said, “How have you been, Eren?”

Again, she did not miss the subtle way his eyes had widened at the mention of his name.

He laughed loudly. “Come on,” he said. “I know you Eldians say things differently, but my name isn’t pronounced ‘Ereh’. It’s _Ren_.”

He was still putting on the façade. She wondered what it would take to get him to stop pretending. “Why did you leave, Eren?” Mikasa asked, unable to conceal the emotion in her voice. “We miss you so much. Why are you here, pretending to be someone else?”

Ren stood up abruptly. “Sorry, kid, I don’t know what you’re playing at, but I think you have me confused for someone else. I don’t want to be involved in this.” With that, he quickly walked away from her.

Mikasa was taken aback at the sudden way in which he’d left. He had refused to meet her eyes and his shoulders had been trembling as he’d walked away. He was clearly hiding something.

She had absolutely no doubt in her mind now that Ren was Eren. The only question was, how could she get him to admit it in the one week she had left?

***

“Hurry up, Mikasa,” Sasha said impatiently as she waited for Mikasa to pass her a plank of wood.

“I’m trying,” Mikasa mumbled, wiping the sweat off her forehead. “It’s just too _hot_.”

They had officially begun their volunteer work and their first task had been to patch up the roofs of the houses they were living in. After attending two hours of training with a group of carpenters who had been hired to assist, in addition to the training they had received in Eldia, they were well-prepared to fix houses. Some houses, like Kishi’s didn’t have broken roofs but had other problems, like broken windows and doors, which Connie and Armin had to work on. Since fixing doors and windows was simpler than fixing the roof, they had been tasked with sourcing and preparing meals for all of the other volunteers.

It was almost lunchtime now but Sasha and Mikasa had barely made any progress on Kiyomi’s roof. They had decided that Mikasa, being stronger and more athletic, would handle the heaving and heavy lifting, while Sasha, being better with tools, would handle the actual fixing. Despite being dressed in shorts and her lightest t-shirt, Mikasa was feeling extremely hot and was sweating through her clothes. She was beginning to get light-headed and it was impacting their ability to work efficiently.

“Sasha. Mikasa. How are we doing?” Erwin Smith was doing his rounds to check on the volunteers and send them on a lunch break.

Sasha shot Mikasa a knowing looking while the latter cringed internally, remembering what had happened in the bus from the airport. “We’re doing fine,” she said, trying to sound more cheerful than she felt. “Just fine.”

“Hmm,” Erwin made a note on his clipboard. “I’m sure you’re trying your best, but remember we need this done today or we’ll be off-schedule. I’ll get someone to help you when they’re finished. Anyway, lunch is ready if you want to join the others at the school.”

Mikasa sighed as he walked away. He clearly wasn’t pleased with their performance and she was disappointed with herself, too. It was very unlike her to not excel at something like this and she knew there were expectations on her to finish her task way before everyone else.

She knew what the problem was. It was Eren’s scarf, the one she’d been wearing since her birthday last month. It wasn’t an issue in Eldia, where it was cold in February and March and scarves were appropriate, but in Hizuru, where it was humid even in the winters, it was extremely uncomfortable to wear. Not to mention, it kept getting in the way when she lifted wood to take to the roof.

As they walked to the schoolhouse for lunch, she saw Levi hard at work on a roof by himself. She knew it wasn’t Ren’s house, because Nami had told her that Yukio lived across the street from them, not next to the school.

“Hey,” she called, waving at him from where she and Sasha stood outside the house. “Is this your second house? And where’s Jean?”

Levi smiled on seeing her. “It’s my third,” he replied, putting down his tools. “And I sent the brat off to help with the food because I didn’t like his conversation topics. You off to lunch now, then? I’ll join you.”

She felt incredibly ashamed on learning that Levi was already on his third house. He was working so hard for this village because of her and she couldn’t even be bothered to take off a stupid scarf to work harder because of her blind devotion to a boy who didn’t even care.

Taking a deep breath, she unwrapped the scarf from around her neck and stuffed it into Sasha’s backpack.

“I was hot,” she mumbled, in response to Sasha and Levi’s shocked looks.

“Finally,” Levi said. “You’ve finally taken that scarf off after, what, two months? Good on you.”

Embarrassed, she quickly changed the subject. “What did Jean say to piss you off so bad?”

Levi exchanged glances with Sasha, who for some reason burst into a fit of giggles. “I think you’re better off not knowing,” he replied.

***

“Mikasa! Mikasa!” Nami and Yukio were running towards her, little boxes in their hands. “We brought our lunch to share with you!”

“Only because, you know, you’re one of the few people whose legs I _don’t_ want to break,” Yukio continued. “Besides Jan. So don’t get the wrong idea.”

“Hey!” Connie, Sasha and Armin cried.

Mikasa smiled at them and gestured to the cushions next to her. “I’m honoured. Let’s eat together, then.”

While the volunteers were eating grilled fish and freshly-made white rice, the children were eating something called _namerou_ , which they had been quick to inform that they’d made themselves.

“I want Grandma to see my food,” Nami said, pouting.

“Uncle Ren is too busy to see what I make, too,” Yukio crossed his arms, his face displaying an identical pout. “I hate him.”

Mikasa had noticed that Yukio was quick to say he hated everything.

“Now, now,” Armin said. “You both know your Grandma and Uncle Ren are working very hard to provide for you.”

“Yeah,” Sasha added, “I know it’s hard, but you’ve got to hang in there, alright? Grandma and Uncle Ren are doing the best they can to keep you happy.”

While Sasha’s words had caused Nami’s pout to lessen, Yukio began to sniffle. The volunteers exchanged alarmed looks when they realised he was on the verge of crying.

“Did I say something wrong?” Sasha whispered. “Why does he look like he’s about to cry?”

Everyone looked at Jean, who lived with Yukio and his family.

“I, um, I think he’s upset,” Jean whispered back. “Family is a sore subject for him and he doesn’t get along with Ren very well.”

“Isn’t there anything we could say or do to make him feel better?” Connie said in a low voice.

“I can hear you idiots,” Yukio replied, the anger in his voice causing them all to flinch. “Stop talking about me like I’m not here. I never asked you stupid Eldians for help. I never asked Uncle Ren to make me happy. He…he…”

To everyone’s horror, tears began to flow down Yukio’s face. Nami hugged him tight and held him as he cried, as though this was routine for them. The others just stared at each other, mouths open.

It was clear that Yukio was going through a lot of pain and had been for a while. Mikasa could tell that he did love his Uncle Ren and she knew that, deep down, he understood why his uncle had to work hard and didn’t have enough time to spend with him. His loneliness from the loss of his parents, coupled with his abrasive personality, was causing him to act out.

She wondered if there was anything they could do to help him. Even Nami missed her grandmother, but while she was sad, too, she was doing her best to deal with the situation.

Mikasa remembered how hard her own parents used to work on the farm. While they were fortunate enough to work out of their backyard, there were days when her father had to go to town early morning and come back long after she and her mother had fallen asleep. She used to worry about her father then; she hoped he wasn’t too tired from working all day, she hoped he was eating enough…

An idea struck her.

“Hey,” she said, rubbing her thumbs across Yukio’s cheeks to wipe his tears away. “You’re both really worried about Grandma and Uncle Ren, aren’t you?”

Through his tears, Yukio glared at her while Nami nodded.

“You should do something nice for them,” Mikasa continued. “To make them happy. I have an idea of what you could do.”

“I’m not doing some stupid Eldian thing,” Yukio mumbled. Mikasa could tell as upset as he was, he did actually want to do something nice for his uncle.

“No, no stupid Eldian ideas,” Mikasa shook her head, “in fact, do either of you know what _Aisai bento_ is? Have you had one before?”

Nami brightened. “I know! Papa make for me in school!”

Yukio sniffled loudly as if to indicate he knew what it was, too.

“Wouldn’t Grandma and Uncle Ren feel special if you two surprised them with Aisai ben?” Mikasa suggested. “You made some great namerou today. If you make some for their bento, they’ll get to try it, too. After all, there’s nothing better than namerou for lunch on a day like this.”

The children nodded; even Yukio, who had stopped crying and looked semi-impressed. A small smile had appeared on his face.

“I guess we _could_ try it,” he shrugged.

“Grandma is at beach,” Nami said. “Uncle Ren also at beach. We go give to them.”

Grabbing Yukio’s hand, she stood up and pulled him to his feet. Both children raced out of the room, leaving their lunches behind.

“Aisai bento is a tradition in Hizuru,” Mikasa explained to the others, who looked dumbstruck. “It’s lunch prepared for people who are working hard, usually for children at school or adults at work. It’s meant to convey feelings of love and appreciation. My mum used to make them for my dad when he had to go to town all day and for me when I had school. And the namerou they made for themselves is quite easy to make. It’s just minced fish with onions, herbs and a couple of other ingredients. It’s often eaten by fisherfolk on their boats, so Kiyomi and Ren should be quite pleased.”

The others “oohed” in understanding. “That’s a good idea,” Jean nodded in approval. “I’m glad you’re Hizuruan, you’re the only one who would’ve thought of something like that.”

Mikasa was surprised herself. For two years now, she had tried her best to suppress memories of her mother’s Hizuruan traditions and customs. She wasn’t sure how she thought of the Aisai ben; it had been something she greatly appreciated back then but hadn’t thought about in years. The usual revulsion she felt when she thought of her Hizuruan roots was missing, too. She normally felt ashamed and angry when she thought of Hizuru, because it would bring up memories of how she had been bullied all her life and how her parents had been killed because of her mother’s ethnicity. But now, all she could think of were the smiles on the faces of those two children as they ran to participate in a Hizuruan tradition that _she’d_ thought of.

A small spark of pride lit up inside her. The smile on her face stayed on for the rest of the day. For the first time, Mikasa was glad she was Hizuruan.

***

When Kiyomi got home that evening, she was in tears – although she’d been quick to inform they were happy tears. As she cooked dinner for the girls that night, she described how, when she’d docked the boat back on the beach to bring in the catch, Nami had come running up to her with a lunchbox containing namerou she’d prepared herself. It was the first time Kiyomi had eaten lunch since she had gotten back to fishing after losing her son-in-law. Seeing the house fixed upon returning home had been a bonus, and she was immensely proud of all three of the girls.

Taking the scarf off had caused Mikasa’s productivity to increase greatly and she had begun to work three times as fast. The roof was soon fixed, and she even had the time to work on another house before finishing for the day. She had transferred the scarf to her backpack and did not wear it for the rest of the day.

But, most surprising, was how in the time Mikasa had spent fixing up those houses, she hadn’t thought about Ren or Eren at all.


	8. Appreciation

The week passed quickly. Once they had gotten into the grind, the village began to heal. All houses were soon fixed along with the plumbing and gas lines. The next order of business had been to fit solar panels on the houses so the villagers could have stable electricity. With everyone in the village contributing to the efforts, Sakana was finally a proud, self-sufficient village again.

Mikasa hadn’t had a chance to get Ren alone again since the banquet on their first night. She had seen him only once since, on the day they’d been fixing solar panels on the houses, but he had not said a word to her. On the two nights she had gone over to his house to check up on Levi and Jean, he had mysteriously disappeared. It was almost as if he was avoiding her.

His behaviour was infuriating. But she was going to have her say, sooner or later.

On their last day in Hizuru, they were given half the day off so they could spend it doing whatever they liked. Many had chosen to go to town and see a bit of the country, while others were spending it by the beach taking a well-deserved break. Mikasa’s friends had gone shopping in town. She wanted to shop too but had decided not to join them and went with Levi instead, as she hadn’t spent much time with him all week.

“You look like you have something to say,” Levi said, as they walked around the market in the nearest town of Ichiba.

“I do, actually,” Mikasa replied, her hands curling around the strap of her backpack.

She hadn’t accompanied Levi to the market just to spend time with him. While he had been looking at souvenirs earlier, she had discreetly slipped into a store nearby and bought something she hoped he would like.

Pulling the box out of her bag, she handed it to him as they both stopped outside a handicraft stall. “This is for you.”

“Oh,” Levi accepted the box and curiously opened it to see what it was. “Mikasa…” his eyes widened.

She had bought him a box of premium Hizuruan black tea. Mikasa knew how fond Levi was of tea and his collection of tea leaves.

“Just a little something for your collection,” she smiled at him.

“I…” Levi was speechless for a moment before he broke out into a warm smile. “Thank you very much. I’ll treasure this always. What brought this on?”

“Um…” Mikasa took a deep breath, remembering the speech she had rehearsed in Kiyomi’s bathroom last night. “I wanted to thank you for everything you’ve done for me. For looking out for me for the past two years. You’re my only family, but…you’ve been more than enough. I also wanted to thank you for bringing me with you to Hizuru.”

She reached for the scarf around her neck, only to remember she wasn’t wearing it and played with a lock of hair instead. “I…I don’t know if you know this, but I have never been too fond of Hizuru. I used to be bullied in elementary school and junior high for being Hizuruan, and after my parents were killed by those human traffickers, I wanted nothing to do with this country. But being on this trip and meeting these villagers and helping them out…it’s made me realise how self-absorbed I’ve been. I’m half-Hizuruan; my mum was Hizuruan. That will never change. Being here in this country has made me proud of who I am. And it’s all thanks to you. If you hadn’t asked me to come, I never would’ve considered it. I may have had my own selfish motives for wanting to be here but I’m glad I listened to you. Watching you do so much for these people…and knowing you’re doing it for me and Mama…I’m proud to be your cousin.”

There was a long silence as Mikasa ran out of breath. Levi quietly played with the box in his hands as the weight of her words settled down on him. He finally put the box away in his backpack and reached forward to give her a tight hug.

Mikasa was shocked. Like her, Levi was not a hugger; in fact, she was positive this was the first time he was hugging someone. But she still leaned into the embrace and hugged him back.

“Thank you,” he said, as they pulled apart. “You mean a lot to me. You know that. I’m glad you’re embracing who you are now. Watching you work on this trip, seeing how you’ve grown…I couldn’t be prouder.”

They continued to walk through the market, buying souvenirs and other items of interest. A comfortable silence had settled between them; Mikasa was shy after her long speech and Levi seemed to be lost in his own thoughts.

“I knew, you know,” he said suddenly.

“Knew what?” Mikasa asked.

“I knew you didn’t like Hizuru,” he explained. “I noticed you would clam up every time Hizuru came up in conversation. I saw how you would change the subject if we were talking about it. I also noticed how you would avoid Hizuruan food. Why do you think I invited you to come with me? I could’ve asked anyone, but I asked _you_.”

She blushed furiously. First Jean, then Armin and now even Levi had noticed her previous dislike towards Hizuru. “I guess I haven’t been as subtle as I thought I was.”

Levi smiled. “You’re not the subtlest, no. Or maybe I’ve had a lot of practice reading you. I know when something’s bothering you. Like this whole Eren Yeager business.” Mikasa flinched at the mention of that name. “I know you don’t want to talk about it right now, but when you’re ready, you know how to reach me.”

Mikasa nodded. “I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks, Levi.” She remembered how tonight was their last night in Hizuru. “He won’t be a problem by next week. We can talk about it then.”

He studied her for a minute as if trying to figure out what she meant by that. “For what it’s worth,” he added, “you’re better off without him.”

She smiled as he went into overprotective mode. This was not the first time she’d been told that.

“I’ll make up my mind about him when I’ve found him,” she said cryptically. “I have to know if everything I’ve done…all of this effort to look for him…I have to know if it was worth it. If _he_ was worth it.”

Levi shrugged. “My advice? It’s not the ones you look for that matter.” His eyes found hers. “It’s the ones who’ve always been there.”

Now what did he mean by that?

***

“Okay,” said Connie. “Since no one else is saying anything, I’m going to come out and say it: this graduation trip went _way_ better than expected.”

“Facts,” said Sasha, Armin and Mikasa simultaneously. They all turned to Jean.

“Eh,” he shrugged. “It could’ve been better.”

As it was their final night in Hizuru, the villagers had organised another party for them to thank them for their help. This was different from their first night: they were all at the beach and a big bonfire had been lit in the centre along with several other smaller bonfires around it. An assortment of meat, veggies and seafood had been prepared, along with a collection of sauces and bastings. People could grab what they wanted to eat on skewers and roast it over one of the bonfires. Loud music was played over the speakers – the Hizuruans were glad to have electricity in their homes again and were only too pleased to begin using phones and other devices.

One of the villagers, Bingzi, had set up a stand where she had been cooking Hizuruan pancakes, much to Mikasa’s delight. Hizuruan pancakes! She had been the first in line to try them out and they had been every bit as delicious as she remembered.

There had been performances by some of the villagers. A group of older Hizuruans had sung a folk song while one of them played an unfamiliar instrument. A younger group of adults had performed a dance that Mikasa recognised as a traditional folk dance. The children had also performed a dance of their own, in which Nami had participated. The adults had tried to coerce Yukio into dancing, too, but he had threatened to stab them in the eyes if they asked him.

Sasha had also been forcing Mikasa to go swimming with her. Mikasa knew that Sasha was trying to get her to put on her bikini, which she’d been forced to carry to Hizuru. She had smugly pointed out that she technically had upheld her end of the bargain: she was asked to carry the bikini with her, not wear it. This had angered Sasha, who threatened to tell the others about Mikasa’s secret crush on Erwin Smith if she didn’t swim with her. Mikasa had only laughed in response.

She was having a great time. She couldn’t believe she was having fun in Hizuru, listening to Hizuruan music, eating Hizuruan food and celebrating with Hizuruan people. This wasn’t something she would’ve accepted two months ago. The changes she’d been through in the past week alone had surprised her tremendously, yet she couldn’t be happier.

There was just one thing she had to deal with, one problem that was still unsolved.

She glanced to the side. Her friends and she had a tiny bonfire to themselves, so they could talk amongst themselves while they ate. Ren was a few bonfires over, talking to his nephew Yukio and feeding him pancakes. Mikasa noted that Yukio seemed less angsty than he normally did. It was probably the pancakes; they had a way of making people happy.

“What could’ve gone better, Jean?” Sasha asked, pointing a strip of beef at him accusingly. “What was not good enough for your city boy ass?”

“I…what?” Jean blinked as he tried to make sense of Sasha’s words. His gaze followed Mikasa’s, who had been looking at Ren, before it went back to the pork skewer he was holding. “Ren. I don’t like him.”

Mikasa smiled secretively to herself, her attention brought back to the conversation with Ren’s name. When Eren was with them, Jean hadn’t liked him. When Eren had disappeared and Jean didn’t know who he was, he still didn’t like him. And now that Eren was another person and Jean didn’t know about it, he _still_ didn’t like him. The irony was not lost on her.

“What don’t you like about him, Jean?” she asked, wondering what his excuse was going to be this time. “Hasn’t he been a good host to you? Levi hasn’t had any complaints, as far as I know.”

Jean looked away. “He’s whatever. I just don’t like him.” He took a bite of grilled pork.

“I like him,” Connie said. “He’s a nice guy. A bit intense, but you can tell he really cares about this village and wants to improve things.”

“Historia did say that her friends only volunteered after watching him speak on TV,” Armin added. He met Mikasa’s eye and smiled.

“I think he and Erwin have done a good job organising things,” Mikasa said. For all her misgivings about Ren, she had to hand him that. “Right from pairing us up to the jobs we had to do, they managed to get this village back to normal in, like, a week.”

Everyone nodded in agreement.

Sasha glanced at her slyly. “Mikasa’s just saying that because she has a BIG FAT CRUSH on Erwin Smith!”

Connie and Armin burst into laughter. Mikasa facepalmed. Jean choked on the piece of pork he was eating.

As they continued to eat, Mikasa went to fetch them all glasses of sweet tea. When they each had a glass, she raised hers.

“I’m going to make a toast,” she said. “To all of you. To the best friends I could have ever asked for. We’ve been through so much together, from high school to exams to this trip and then to university. You’ve been with me this whole time and supported me wholeheartedly. You even gave up your plans for graduation trips you were meant to go on and followed me here, after I chose to come here for selfish reasons. You’ve worked hard for this village and made all of these people smile. I’m lucky to have you as my friends. Thank you, for everything.”

Smiles broke out on all of their faces; Armin had even begun to tear up a little. They all raised their glass in unison.

“A toast to this country,” Connie said. “I know it’s not Mokupuni Islands or Frankreich, but I’m glad to have come here with all of you. To Hizuru!”

“It’s funny how one of my initial ideas was to go camping, or to a farm,” Sasha said. “And yet we ended up here and got to do both of those things! And we also got to eat all of this amazing Hizuruan food, from dumplings to noodles to fried chicken to shrimp to fish-shaped buns to seaweed crackers to…” She was forced to stop when Connie shoved the beef she’d been eating into her mouth. “To fwendchip! An foo!”

“I’m going to miss you all so much when we go to university,” Armin said, already on the verge of tears. “I wish we had made the decision to go to the same university like some people did, but I also know you all aren’t smart enough to get into Mitras like me.” He laughed as Jean knocked him on the head. “Promise me we’ll keep in touch and do this again after we start university. To university life!”

“Thanks for everything, Mikasa,” Jean said simply. “If you hadn’t decided to come here, we wouldn’t be sharing this moment together. You’re a lot more amazing than you give yourself credit for. To Mikasa!”

“Cheers!” They all clinked their glasses as laughter rang through the air.

The night went on, but the good mood and high spirits did not go away. Eventually, people began to tire out; Mikasa could see a few children being shepherded to bed. Nami had come to say good night; she and Kiyomi and Yukio would be leaving. Sasha and Connie had also left; Mikasa had been around both of them all night yet the two had somehow managed to get drunk, even though there was no alcohol in sight. They had been given a stern talking-to by Erwin and sent straight to their host homes. Mikasa was looking around for Jean when she noticed Ren sitting by himself with a plate of Hizuruan pancakes, watching the ocean.

He was practically scarfing down those pancakes like someone who’d never eaten them before. Someone who had always wanted to try them in Eldia and was constantly begging his best friend to get them with him…

She knew if she did not confront him now, she would lose her last chance of talking to Eren and finding out why he did what he did and telling him what she had to say.

She retrieved the red scarf from her backpack and went to find Armin. He was at one of the bonfires, talking to a Rose Academy girl named Annie. Mikasa grabbed his arm and pulled him away, but not before hurriedly apologising to Annie for the interruption.

“What was that for?” Armin said indignantly. “That was the only chance I had of –”

“We’re doing it. Now.” She pointed at Ren sitting by the ocean. Armin swallowed hard and nodded. The two made their to the Hizuruan man.

“You again?” Ren said, annoyed on seeing Mikasa approach him. He swallowed the last of his pancake and was about to get up and leave when he noticed Armin there.

“Well. It’s good to see you, too.” Armin smiled at Ren.

“You’re cornered,” Mikasa informed him. “It’s two on one. You can’t run away this time.”

Ren rolled his eyes. “Forgive me for not wanting to be mixed up for whoever it is you think I am.”

Armin and Mikasa continued to watch him sadly, and he grew increasingly uncomfortable. “What?”

“You’re really going to keep pretending?” Mikasa said. “We know you’re Eren Yeager. We know you lived in Eldia for a while before you decided to erase everyone’s memories and come here. What we don’t get is…why? Did you really hate us that much that you had to move to another country and get a new identity?”

There was a silence as Ren looked at the ocean. Mikasa wasn’t proud of herself; guilt-tripping him had been her final strategy, but at this point she was out of options.

“Do you think I’m Eren Yeager, too?” Ren asked Armin.

Armin pondered for a moment and shook his head. “I’m not sure. I know who Eren is, I remember him, but I’m not sure how you’re connected to him. I don’t know how one person can transform into another – that would be straight-up magic. But, if Mikasa says you’re Eren, I believe her. You need to tell her why you’re doing this.”

There was another silence, this one longer than the last. Mikasa and Armin waited for Ren to speak, while he continued to watch the ocean.

Finally he turned back to them, “You know what I think?” he said, and neither of them missed the edge in his voice, “I think, something very bad happened to you –” he pointed at Mikasa, “and, to cope with it, you made up someone in your head. An imaginary friend, if you will – someone to give you some comfort during that tragic time and make you feel like everything would be okay. But then, you told your other friends about him. And while Baldy, Potato Girl and Horseface didn’t believe you, this one did.” Ren pointed at Armin. “That was enough to fuel your delusions, and when you came here and saw me, you thought I was the person you made up. Maybe I look like him? Maybe it’s because we have similar names? I don’t know. But this can’t go on. It has to stop. I’m not who you think I am, and you’re better off moving on from this person, anyway.”

Mikasa was filled with rage. Of all the things she’d expected him to say, this was most certainly not it. She was about to tell him where he could go shove his thoughts when Armin interrupted her.

“Hang on,” he said, putting up a hand to stop Ren from leaving. “Our friends. You called them Potato Girl, Baldy and Horseface.”

“Yeah,” Ren crossed his arms over his chest. “And?”

“’Baldy’ was Connie’s nickname in the first year of high school,” Armin explained. “He was called that because he used to shave his head so close that his hair was three millimetres long. You can’t tell anymore because he’s growing it out. How would you know about that if you hadn’t known him two years ago?”

Ren paled visibly.

“What’s more,” Armin continued, “Sasha was given the nickname ‘Potato Girl’ because she was caught eating a potato during the high school entrance ceremony. How would you know something as obscure as that if you didn’t go to high school with us?”

“I, uh,” Ren stammered. “I heard you call her that the other day…”

“And the only person,” Mikasa added, “who’s ever called Jean ‘Horseface’,” her eyes met Ren’s, “is Eren.”

They both stared at Ren suspiciously.

Ren sighed loudly. “Look,” he said. “I’m telling you for the last time, I don’t know this person. You’re mistaken. Now, can you two leave me alone or do I need to go get Erwin?”

Mikasa wanted to cry. After everything, everything they’d said, after calling him out on his mistake, he was _still_ refusing to admit it.

“Fine,” she said, through gritted teeth, “we’ll leave you alone. But humour us for a minute, please. Pretend to be this ‘Eren Yeager’. Listen to what we have to say. Then we’ll leave and won’t bother you again.”

“Whatever,” he crossed his arms again turned his head to the side, which they took as a sign to keep going.

“I’ll go first,” Armin said. He gave a small smile. “I don’t have many memories of you, Eren. The only two memories I have are of how you saved me from bullies and how we used to do homework together. You’re a good person and I appreciate how you stood up for me. You seem important to Mikasa and I’m grateful for what you’ve done for us. Thank you.”

He turned to Mikasa. “Well, I’ve said what I had to say. I’ll leave you two alone to talk now. See you tomorrow.”

Mikasa was now alone with Ren.

“Eren,” she said, taking a deep breath. “All my life, I hated who I was. I hated being Hizuruan. I wasn’t good at anything, I didn’t have any friends and I couldn’t see things getting better for me. At some point I even wanted to die, thinking I would be reborn as a better version of myself. And when my parents were killed by those…monsters, I thought all hope was lost.”

“But then you appeared,” she said, wiping away the tears that were flowing down her face. “You saved my life. Literally. You stood by me while I dealt with the whole thing. You gave me a place to stay. You helped me realise what I was worth. Because of you, I was able to stand up to bullies who’d been saying racist stuff. Because of you, I found Armin. I found Sasha, Connie and Jean. You also helped me find a job and find my family.”

The tears continued to flow freely down her face, but she did not attempt to wipe them away this time.

“You were everything to me,” she said. “You were my best friend and the most important person in my life. I even…” she paused, debating if she should tell him about her feelings. “I…and then my birthday came, and you were gone. Do you have any idea how heartbroken I was?”

“You can’t imagine what I’ve been through in the past two months. It’s one thing if your best friend straight up disappears, but it’s worse when there’s no one you can talk to about it. I don’t have any pictures of you. I don’t have any evidence you’ve been in my life. Armin doesn’t remember anything besides those two random memories. Your mother is in so much pain right now because she remembers having a child when she knows she can’t have children.”

“I came on this trip to find you. I thought if I had the chance to see you again, to speak to you, I could convince you to come back. But now that I’m here, after being in this village and spending time with all of these people, I’ve realised that I don’t actually want things to change. I like who I am now. I’m proud of everything I’ve achieved so far. And I…” She thought of all the Rose Academy students who had come to Hizuru because of his speech. She thought of all the villagers who looked up to him. “I can’t take you away from all of these people who need you here. And I don’t want to either.”

She looked around the beach. It was almost empty, save for a few people who were cleaning up. “I’ve gone on for a while, haven’t I? Oh well. All I wanted to say was, thank you. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. Thank you for helping me become the person I am today.” She looked at the scarf sitting in her hands and held it out to him. “This scarf; I don’t know how it remained behind when everything else connected to you disappeared, but I’m glad it did. I had wanted you to wrap it around me again, but…” She shook her head. “I’m giving it back to you now. For the last time, thank you for wrapping this scarf around me.” She pushed it into his hands. “Good luck with the village and everything else.”

She turned around, trembling. She wanted to be alone, far away from him so she could cry in peace. She was about to make her way out of the beach when she heard a voice behind her.

“Wait.”

She turned back to face Ren. He was standing up, a strange expression on his face and the scarf in his hands. He walked towards her and tenderly wrapped it around her neck.

Mikasa turned scarlet. “Wh…wh…what are you doing?” she stammered.

Ren gave her a small, sad smile. “I’m keeping my promise,” he said. “You said you wanted me to wrap this scarf around you. I promised you I’d wrap it around you as many times as you wanted, didn’t I?”


	9. Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chappie :( bit long, but hope you like it

“It’s true, then,” Mikasa said, her fingers reaching up to the scarf he had wrapped around her neck. “You’re Eren Yeager.”

After all this time. After everything she’d been through. Ren was finally admitting the truth.

The person before her was Eren, her best friend. The man she loved.

She reached up to touch him, her fingers brushing against his cheek.

“You’re right,” he replied. “But you’re also wrong.”

“Huh?” Mikasa blinked in confusion. She withdrew her hand from his face.

Ren gently took her hand pulled her down to the sand, where he had been sitting.

“I did go by the name of Eren Yeager before,” he said, his eyes on the ocean before him. “And I’m called Ren now. I have had many names in the past and I will have many more in the future, none of them my real name.”

Mikasa didn’t know what to say. At last, she asked, “What _is_ your real name?”

He shrugged. “You may call me Ren for now. That’s my current name.”

She just stared at him. “Who are you?” she asked. “No, I suppose the more appropriate question would be… _what_ are you?”

The ocean lapped softly against the shore. Stars lit up the night sky and the moon was out, casting a beautiful glow on the waves. The sounds of laughter and music had died down completely but a few faint voices could still be heard behind them.

“I’m…not human,” Ren said. “I think the closest thing to describe what I am would be…a spirit? An angel? The term changes with every culture. But yeah, I am something along those lines.”

Armin had earlier said that the only way Eren could’ve transformed into Ren would’ve been through magic. Who knew he had actually been right?

But deep down, Mikasa had known that there was no logical explanation for the way Eren had disappeared, with all traces of him wiped off from the world. She had no explanation for why she was the only one who remembered him while everyone else had forgotten. She couldn’t explain how she immediately recognised Ren, despite him looking nothing like Eren.

“You’re going to have to tell me everything from the beginning,” she said.

Ren turned towards her, as if to see how she was taking the whole thing, before turning back to the ocean.

“I don’t know how long I’ve been around for,” he began. “But when I first appeared, I immediately knew my purpose was to help human beings, help people in distress get back on their feet. I have been gifted with certain abilities; I can change my appearance at will and alter reality to manipulate some aspects of my surroundings. I wasn’t powerful enough to make major changes to the world, but I soon found out that if I dedicated my powers to one person at a time, I could create slow, but subtle change.”

Mikasa listened intently. As much as her brain was trying to reject what she was hearing as “fiction”, she knew he was telling the truth.

“Once I knew how to use my powers, I got to work.” Ren went on. “I would listen for distress calls – the calls of people in agony – and I would enter their lives, either as someone they’d always known or a new figure. I would get close to them, be there for them, help them survive and recover. When I was satisfied with the change they’d made, I would leave. Leaving meant erasing their memories, removing all evidence of my existence and changing my appearance according to my next subject.”

Her mouth was open. It was all starting to make sense now.

“Take you, for example,” he said. “You hated yourself, hated being Hizuruan and wouldn’t apply yourself to anything. Not to mention human traffickers had killed your father and were going to sell off your mother and you. So when your mother screamed out loud, begging the universe with everything she had to protect you, I heard her. It was too late to save her but I could still help you. I appeared as Eren Yeager, a boy who would help you defend yourself against them. I would be your closest friend. I would give you all the support you needed to be the best version of yourself, because I knew you didn’t have anyone in your life at that point to be that for you.”

What was he saying? That she had been nothing more than a “subject” to him?

“And so,” Ren said. “I changed your reality. I wrote myself into your life, and into the lives of Armin, Carla, Grisha and others. Armin was being bullied because no one would stand up for him. So I helped him out. Carla couldn’t have children of her own. So I became the child she wanted, one that would look like her and her husband. I lived with you, encouraged you to push yourself and tried to point you in all the right directions.”

“That’s bull,” Mikasa interrupted. She’d been listening quietly the whole time, but there was only so much she could digest. “You did a lot more than that. You saved my life –”

“All I did was kill the first man,” Ren said. “You defended yourself after that.”

“You gave me a place to stay and helped me sell off my house and the farm and everything else…”

“Which you could’ve done by yourself, too,” he pointed out. “Grisha was in Shiganshina at that time: in everyone else’s reality, _he_ was the one who took you in, not me. If I hadn’t helped you out, I’m sure he would have.”

“But he didn’t, did he?” Mikasa argued. “Not to mention all of the other ways you’ve helped me. Because of you, Armin and I are friends. And Sasha, Connie, Jean…”

“That was all you, Mikasa,” Ren shook his head. “I just pointed you in the right direction. All I did was introduce you to him, you made friends with him yourself. And you met the others yourself too, I had nothing to do with that.”

“My job…my apartment…Levi…”

“All I did was show you the way,” he insisted. “I told you about the job advertisement. I didn’t get you hired. You got the apartment because you had the job. And even if I wasn’t involved, I’m sure you and Levi would’ve found each other; if you recall, he was looking for you. It was only a matter of time before you two met.”

He cut her off before she could say anything else. “Not to mention all the other things you’ve achieved without my help,” he said, taking her hand and smiling at her. “You got your grades up and did well enough to get into the university you wanted to. You became class representative. You found a sport you loved and excelled at it, enough to be club president. My impact wasn’t as big as you think it was.”

While Mikasa still didn’t agree with him, she knew there was no point in arguing further. “So if my life was going so well, according to you, why did you stay that long? No, why did you leave so suddenly? Did you think that after I turned eighteen I would automatically just ‘fix myself?’”

“No,” he said. He looked embarrassed. “That wasn’t part of the plan. See, you were doing so well. There was just one problem: you hated your ethnicity. You weren’t willing to accept your Hizuruan side. I didn’t want to leave you without helping you out with that.”

“I tried, I really did. I knew you loved Hizuruan pancakes and would get them at Uncle Hannesu’s for your birthday. At first I tried to get you to apply for a job there; that didn’t work out. Then I tried to convince you to get those pancakes with me – to be honest, I wanted to try them too, so that was killing two birds with one stone really.” He looked up at the sky. “I knew your birthday was coming up. I thought if I could get you to participate in that tradition and enjoy those pancakes, it would mean I had accomplished my task and wasn’t needed anymore. And when I learned you even had plans of inviting _me_ for pancakes, I knew things were working in my favour.”

“So why –”

“An Unbreakable Bond,” Ren said. He looked pained. “It’s an unfortunate side effect of what I do. It’s only happened to me once before, but the consequences are…not ideal. An Unbreakable Bond is what I call it when I have gotten too close to the subject and their feelings for me are so strong that my magic can’t change them.”

Mikasa stared at her hands, not saying anything.

“The last time it happened,” he grimaced, “had been when I was helping a woman who was struggling with her career and finances. I guided her as she built up her company from scratch. And when I was satisfied with her development, I left. I hadn’t known at that time that she intended to promote me to Vice-President, that she had come to think of me as family. Our relationship was so strong that she couldn’t forget me after I had left, while everyone else had.”

Mikasa remembered the Reddit forum she had been combing on her birthday after Eren had disappeared.

“You’re Alan,” she said, shocked. She pulled out her phone and showed him the screenshot she had saved.

Ren nodded. “That’s me alright. I felt terrible when I heard that Shyra still remembered who I was. And you of all people know how heartbreaking it is when that happens. I was determined not to make the same mistake again.”

“When I learnt you were going to ask me to get pancakes with you on your birthday, I was thrilled. But then I also found out _why_ you were inviting me. What you planned to say to me,” he avoided her gaze. “And I panicked. I thought if you went through with your confession, the Bond would form and I wouldn’t be able to alter your memories when I left. You would always remember me and wonder where I was.”

“You have to know,” he turned back towards her and took her hand again, “you have to know, I’m not proud of what I did next. I decided it would be better to leave to avoid the risk. I didn’t know, of course,” he squeezed her hand, “that I was too late. Your feelings for me were far too strong by then.”

“I see,” she said. Everything made perfect sense now. That explained why her memories were still there when everyone else’s had gone. Why she still remembered him after all of his pictures and texts and evidence of his time with her had disappeared.

Ren sighed. “It seems my exit this time was sloppy. I made a lot of mistakes: I couldn’t erase your memories. The scarf that held so much meaning to you – I couldn’t get rid of it. I couldn’t erase Carla and Armin’s memories completely, either. They were both probably on the verge of forming the Bond…that’s why they have partial memories of me, memories that overlap with their truth.”

He stopped talking and turned back towards the ocean to contemplate. His silence had given Mikasa time to understand and absorb what he had said.

“Ren,” she said slowly. “You know you can’t stop people from loving you, right? They’re human beings. Your technique of running away before people grow to love you…it’s not the best way of doing things. You can’t properly help these people if you’re not going to give it your all. And giving it your all means accepting that people are going to love you in the process. Running away and starting a new life won’t change things.”

“You’re right,” he said. “You’re absolutely right. But what do you suggest I do instead? But the pain that comes from loving someone that doesn’t exist and not understanding why…I wouldn’t want any of you to go through that. My purpose is to help people. Having them develop feelings for a person who doesn’t exist…that’s not helping them, is it? You know what you were through. And the others – if there are others – aren’t as lucky as you to have the opportunity to talk it out with me like this. Shyra certainly didn’t have the chance – to this day, she still thinks about Alan and wonders what she did wrong. What else could I do?”

Mikasa was quiet for a while.

“There’s no right answer, is there?” she said. “The best thing you could do would be to stay with them until they died. But then you would be forming relationships around you with other people – like you did with Armin and Carla – and the cycle would repeat. And that’s not who you are or what you’re meant to do. I get that. You’re meant to keeping moving on from person to person, helping as many people as you can and fulfilling your purpose. I know I can’t ask you to stay with every person you help. But I…” she gazed at the sand sadly. “I just wish, when it happened to me, that I had someone else to share my memories of you with. I wish I wasn’t as…alone as I felt after you left.”

“Actually,” he said, “I think I can help you with that.”

He brought his fingers together and closed his eyes, before opening them again.

“I’ve given Armin his memories back,” he explained. “I can’t undo what I’ve done to you, but I can make it so you won’t have to deal with this alone. Since he had partial memories already, I’ve just restored the rest to how he knew them before. So he’ll remember who Eren was when he wakes up, like you do.”

Mikasa made a face. “This would’ve been helpful, like, two months ago!”

Ren laughed. “Even though I can’t alter your memories, I’m glad I can still influence Armin’s.” He took a deep breath. “You have to understand…I may have given Armin his memories back but…I have to take Carla’s away. From what I realise, the knowledge of this child she hasn’t met is too much for her to bear and is tearing her apart.”

She remembered how sorrowful Carla had been when she had seen her, and she nodded. “I get it.”

He took her hand again. “Also, for what it’s worth…I truly _am_ sorry, Mikasa. I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you. I hope you understand why I had to deny this whenever you asked me about it. This isn’t the sort of thing you just go around telling people. And I really did enjoy our time together. If things were different…” a faraway look appeared in his eyes, and he shook his head. “Never mind. Not worth thinking about. I wish I could come back to you and the others, but…” he gestured to the beach around them, “Sakana needs me right now.”

“I know,” Mikasa pulled her hand out of his grasp and hugged her knees. “You need to be here for the next person you’re helping.” She turned to face him. “It’s Yukio, isn’t it?”

Ren nodded. “He’s going through a hard time right now. The war took his grandfather away, his father abandoned him and his mother and stepfather lost their lives. He’s angry at the world and doesn’t trust his family anymore. He hates Eldia because of his father and has lost trust in most people older than him. I need to help bring that trust back.” He stood up. “Well, I’m going to head off to bed now. Besides, there’s someone waiting for you.” He pulled her up to her feet.

“Who’s waiting for me?” she asked.

But Ren did not answer. “I’m so glad we had this talk,” he said, smiling at her. “This is the first time I’ve ever spoken to anyone about my powers. I feel quite…relieved. You’re really something, you know that?”

Mikasa felt like a weight had been lifted off her chest: she finally had closure on everything that had been bothering her for the past two months.

Well, _almost_ everything. There was one thing she hadn’t told him, something that was still troubling her. He knew it, and she knew he knew, but neither of them said anything to each other.

“I’m going to miss you,” she said, giving him a big hug.

“Likewise,” he said, returning the embrace. “Don’t tell Shyra or Yukio, but you’re my favourite out of all the people I’ve helped.”

Mikasa laughed. “I bet you say that to everyone.”

He smiled at her. “I hope our paths cross again. Farewell, and good luck.”

“You, too,” She waved and watched him turn around and leave the beach. She continued to wave as he disappeared. When she was certain he was gone, she got to her knees and began to cry.

She wished she could cry like a normal person but she could not stop the huge sobs coming from her body and the fat tears from rolling down her cheeks. She tried to control herself, but the more she thought about what Ren had just told her and what she hadn’t told him, the more she cried. At that moment, she felt so sorry for herself that crying was all she could do.

Someone knelt down next to her. A hand was placed on a shoulder. She was immediately reminded of Eren: one of the reasons she’d fallen for him had been how warm that hand used to feel.

“Ere –” she began, before stopping herself. How silly. Ren had literally just told her: Eren Yeager wasn’t a real person.

The hand wasn’t like his, but it was warm and comforting all the same. She found herself turning towards the person, leaning into their chest and crying into their shirt.

Jean held her as she cried. It was evident he didn’t know what to say, but he patted her on the back which made her feel slightly better.

After a while, when her sobs had lessened, he said, “Hey, Mikasa. You’re good at physics, right?”

Mikasa looked up from his shirt to give him a look. “Huh?”

“Sorry, that was a strange thing to ask,” he said. When she continued to look baffled, he continued, “So, um, in terms of force required and everything, how hard would I need to punch him in order to break his face?”

She realised he was talking about Ren and she couldn’t help giving out a small chuckle. “You don’t even know what happened.”

Jean looked away. “It’s obvious, isn’t it?” he said, and the sorrow in his voice was hard to miss. “You confessed to him. He turned you down. You pretended to be okay with it, but after he left…”

“What?” Mikasa said.

“I saw you two,” he said, still not looking at her. “He wrapped that scarf around you…you were touching his face…holding his hand…hugging him…”

Mikasa frowned. “You’re misunderstanding. I didn’t confess to him. But I wish I…I wish…”

And with that, she began to cry again. She buried her face into his shirt.

“I didn’t tell him,” she said between sobs. “I was planning to…ages ago on my birthday…I didn’t. But he knew. He knew, and that’s why he left. And I…I chased him all this way and…he’s not even real. I don’t feel that way anymore but I still…I feel so stupid…I’m such a fool…”

“It’s okay,” Jean whispered, stroking her hair. “You’re not a fool.”

“He did so much for me,” she sobbed, “I thought…I was special…that he felt…like I did. But he didn’t. I was just…just another ‘subject’. I was so alone…couldn’t tell anyone…missed him so much. And now I…he left because he couldn’t handle my feelings…why I am such a…a…”

“You’re not,” he whispered. “Whatever you were about to call yourself, you’re not it.”

“I’m just…I don’t want to be with him…but I never told him…and I’ll never have the chance…to be…he has to help this village…be there for Yukio…”

“Going to be hard to do those things with a broken face,” Jean mumbled.

She knew Kiyomi was expecting her back, but she didn’t care. She couldn’t face anyone yet. Pain and embarrassment and self-pity filled her up inside and she had to let it out.

“I’m sorry,” she wept. “I’m such a mess. I’m so embarrassed. I never wanted you to see me like this. You should leave. You don’t have to be here with me.”

He tightened his embrace around her at that. “Don’t be ridiculous,” he replied, “I’ve told you so many times already. I’ll always be here. _Always_.”

Jean’s embrace was tender and his voice was soothing. She knew he hadn’t understood a word of what she had said. She couldn’t tell him about Ren’s secret; he had obviously told it to her under the pretext that she wouldn’t tell anyone, besides Armin.

Jean couldn’t understand, but he hadn’t let go yet. He was still there, letting her dribble snot over his shirt, whispering comforting words, and he hadn’t pulled away.

He had always been kind to her. He was someone she’d barely noticed when Eren had been around. She had always thought of him as Sasha and Connie’s friend who was only hanging around them cause no one else could stand him.

In hindsight, that hadn’t been very nice of her. There was nothing inherently wrong with him; in fact, if she was being honest with herself, she enjoyed his company. His presence was comforting and he always found ways to make her smile. He also had this way of making her flustered that she couldn’t quite explain.

Jean had always tried his best to help her and be there for her, despite not understanding what she was going through.

 _I know you’ve been having a hard time keeping up with everything,_ _but I also know you won’t ask for help. So I’m offering. I’ll always be there for you._

_You’re never trouble, Mikasa, I’ll always be there for you anytime._

_I’ll always be here. Always._

What was it Levi had said earlier? _It’s not the ones you look for that matter. It’s the ones who’ve always been there._

It hit her like a truck speeding down a highway without its lights on. No, that was a dumb analogy; the lights had always been on, but her eyes had been closed. And she was finally opening them.

Wiping the tears away, she looked up at him. “What are you doing here, anyway?” she asked. “It’s late, isn’t it?”

“I, um,” Jean stuttered. Was it just her or was he _blushing_? “I got you something from the market today.”

Mikasa frowned. “You mean you waited this long to give me something? Knowing full well we would be seeing each other tomorrow?”

“Uh, yeah,” he said. “Sorry, I know I’m being dumb and my gift is dumb, but I was so excited to give it to you…” he trailed off. She saw one of his hands travel down to the pocket of his shorts, fidgeting with something in there.

“What is it?” she asked curiously.

He pulled out a pretty red flower that Mikasa recognised immediately. “Okay, it’s dumb and cheesy but this reminded me of you when I saw it. I’ve been trying to get you alone all night because you would be embarrassed if I gave it to you in front of the others so I waited until they left but then I saw you with him and I…” he took a deep breath. “I was going to leave, but then I saw you crying and I had to…”

He handed her the flower. It was in surprisingly good condition, despite the fact that it had probably been in his pocket all night. “It’s a camellia. It’s native to Hizuru and the locals call it –”

“My mother,” she whispered. She turned the flower around as if she couldn’t quite believe it. “You…you knew my mother’s name?”

“Yeah,” he replied, giving her a look that said, ‘why wouldn’t I?’. “I mean, we _are_ in Hizuru after all, so it only feels right to honour her.”

She didn’t say anything. She didn’t mention how she had been meaning to honour her mother all week, and he had somehow read her mind. She let the silence linger for a while as her stomach did small flips and he grew increasingly nervous.

“I mean, you don’t have to say you like it,” he said quickly, “no, you don’t even have to like it at all! It’s just a stupid flower. I only –”

“Thank you,” she interrupted him. “It’s beautiful.”

Jean smiled at her and she smiled back. It was funny how flustered he was getting when it was usually her who got that way around him.

Mikasa was feeling better now. Standing up, she took the scarf off and flung it over her shoulder. She held the _tsubaki_ flower with one hand while her other hand found Jean’s. “Let’s go back.”

He stood up too, looking down to their hands held together, then up at her and back at their hands, as if trying to interpret her actions. “Yeah,” he replied. “Let’s go.”

They walked in silence, holding hands as the blush remained on both of their faces. However, not long after they had left the beach, Jean stopped suddenly.

“I’m sorry,” he said, gently pulling away. “There’s something I haven’t told you and I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I didn’t say it.”

She didn’t say anything. She stood there silently, her eyes on her flower while she waited for him to continue.

“I, uh,” he began, swallowing nervously. He looked at her and then looked away. “So, um, when I waited for you at the beach earlier, it wasn’t just to give you this. Yeah, that was part of it, but, uh…” he took a deep breath.

Mikasa, on the other hand, had stopped breathing. She wondered what he was going to say. She knew what she _wanted_ him to say, but hopes often did not translate to reality.

“I…sort of…have feelings for you,” he mumbled, looking at the ground. “Like, um, I lo– like you. I like your smile and your chin and I think you’re beautiful and smart and you work hard and I, uh, yeah. You don’t have to like me back or whatever, I just wanted you to know. I didn’t say anything earlier cause we were always busy with school and exams and stuff and I didn’t want things to get weird in the group. But then you had that thing going on with that Eren Yeager guy and maybe Erwin Smith and now Ren and I…”

“Hey,” she smiled, reaching out to grasp his hand again. “Calm down.”

Jean nodded and finally met her eyes. He searched her face, as though expecting a response to his confession.

“Things are not going to get weird in the group,” she said, tugging his arm to indicate she wanted to keep walking. “I promise.”

“Oh,” he said. His face fell. “Yeah. Okay.”

They walked on. “Thanks for being cool about it,” he mumbled. Mikasa’s heart broke at how sad he sounded. She could tell he was putting on a fake bravado and she wanted to tell him how she really felt but her own tongue was tied.

“You said you liked my chin,” she blurted, before cringing at herself. That had not been what she wanted to say, but she couldn’t find the words yet.

“Yeah,” he shrugged.

“That’s an…odd part of my body to like,” she said.

Jean was redder than he had been before. He tried to lift his arm defensively before he remembered she was holding his hand. “I panicked, okay? I had practised this for ages but it didn’t come out the way I wanted it to and –”

“Levi has the same chin.”

He groaned. “God. Don’t make it weird, Mikasa.”

Mikasa giggled. “What else do you like about me?”

“Your hair,” he said fondly. “I think it’s your best feature. I know we’re in Hizuru and all, but you have the most beautiful black hair I’ve ever seen.”

She remembered how she used to get picked on for having black hair in elementary school.

“Thanks,” she said. “Maybe I’ll cut it shorter when we get back.”

She had never seen Jean look more horrified than he did then. She laughed again.

They continued to talk all the way to Kiyomi’s house. When they reached the front door, they stopped.

“And the way you were eating those pancakes earlier…was pretty cute, too.” Jean finished. He was now sporting a full-on raging blush.

Mikasa groaned. She remembered how excited she had been to see Hizuruan pancakes being cooked and had been wolfing them down like Sasha. She was absolutely certain that there was nothing “cute” about that. But Jean had made it clear that she could be sweaty, covered in sand and pancake crumbs and he’d still find her beautiful.

“Yeah?” she said. “Maybe we should get them together sometime, then.”

He looked confused. “Get what?”

“Pancakes,” she said. “Hizuruan pancakes. There’s a bakery in Eldia that makes them pretty well. It’s called Uncle Hannesu’s. Have you been there before?”

He shook his head. “No, I haven’t. I know there’s one next to the Donut Deck you work at, but I’ve never…”

“It’s a date, then,” Mikasa smiled.

Jean froze. He gave her fifteen seconds to tell him she was kidding or was playing a prank on him.

“Like a date…date?” he squeaked finally.

“A date-date, yes,” she nodded, turning the knob on the door. Kiyomi had thankfully left the front door open for her to return back when she was ready. “Good night, Jean. Thanks for everything.”

She could’ve sworn she heard a loud “YES!” outside the house.

***

“Okay, first off,” Armin said, studying her face, “you look terrible. No offense.”

“I do?” Mikasa frowned. True, she had done a lot of crying yesterday and hadn’t slept well, but she didn’t _feel_ terrible. If anything, she was happy, and there were little butterflies in her stomach that had been making her smile all morning.

They were seated on the stairs leading up to Kishi’s porch. It was early morning; the sun wasn’t even up yet. This would normally be the time the fisherfolk would leave for work, but most of them had chosen to go to work later so they could see the volunteers off that morning.

Armin had texted her fifteen minutes ago, asking if she was awake. She had not been able to sleep that night, so she had accepted his invitation to come over to Kishi’s.

“Yeah,” he said. “I suppose your talk with Ren last night didn’t go as expected.”

“It didn’t,” she said. She remembered what Ren had done last night. “Do you, um, remember about –”

“Eren? Yeah, I do,” he nodded. “When I woke up this morning, I could somehow remember who he was. I remember everything about him now.” He looked embarrassed. “I, uh, feel really silly for not believing you before.”

“It’s not your fault,” she insisted, “you didn’t have your memories then. You couldn’t have known.”

“About that,” Armin picked up a pebble from the flowerbed, examining it. “I suppose you had something to do with that, huh? You asked him to give me my memories back.”

“I didn’t ask him, he volunteered,” Mikasa said, shaking her head. Then she realised what he had just said. “Hang on. Did you figure it out already? That he’s –”

“That’s why I called you over,” he said, standing up. “Give me a minute.”

He went inside the house and returned with a familiar book. _Myths. Legends and Unexplained Phenomena._

“I’ve been going through this all week, trying to find some clue as to what had happened to Eren,” he explained, thumbing through the pages. “After we spoke to Ren last night, I went through the book again to see if I had missed anything, and…here. Check this out.”

He thrust the book towards her. She picked it up and studied the section he was pointing to.

“ _Tenshi no Henshin_ ,” she read aloud. She studied the accompanying illustration: it was a figure in a white Hizuruan robe with a black sash around its waist. A hood covered its face so it could not be seen and shadowy black hands emerged from the sleeves of its robe, fingertips touching.

Mikasa remembered the pose Ren had struck last night while restoring Armin’s memories.

“The Tenshi no Henshin is a mysterious spirit in Hizuruan folklore,” Armin explained. “No one knows what it looks like. If you are fortunate enough to encounter one, it will bring happiness and good luck to you. However, it can also be quite dangerous, as it will take away your memories if you meet it and trick you into believing you haven’t. This, coupled with its ability to change its form, explain why there are no accounts of anyone coming across it yet.”

“Well, that’s silly,” she scoffed. “Someone had to have come across it to write this down, right?”

Armin laughed. “Not the point, Mikasa,” he said.

She studied the picture in the book again. The white robe and no face and shadowy hands made the figure look quite creepy. “If we showed this to Eren,” she said, “he’d probably get angry and say he was much better-looking than that.”

“He’d say they got his hands all wrong,” Armin agreed.

“He’d say his fashion sense was much better than this,” she continued.

“Although I feel like he’d try to convince us he could pull off a creepy white robe,” Armin said. “Even though we both know he couldn’t.”

They laughed and continued talking about Eren as the first rays of light hit their faces.

***

“I will miss you,” Nami said sadly as Sasha and Mikasa took turns giving her a hug.

“Hey, hey, no crying, alright?” Sasha said, hastily wiping the tears off Nami’s face. “Your Grandma said she’d let you use her phone to talk to us, didn’t she? We’re going to call you next Sunday, promise!”

Nami cheered up at that. “Yeah! I make Yukio talk too!”

Mikasa snorted. “Good luck with that,” she muttered under her breath. Sasha shot her a glare.

“We’re going to come see you again,” Sasha added. “And thank you, Kiyomi, for everything you’ve done for us.” She gave Kiyomi a hug. “Especially the yummy meals! Your soy monkfish liver is one of the best things I’ve ever eaten! And that’s high praise coming from me.”

“Oh, thank you very much,” Kiyomi hugged both of them. “And thank you both for fixing up the house and everything else, too. I look forward to keeping in touch with you.”

With one last wave, they turned around and dragged their suitcases away from the house, towards where the bus was parked.

The other volunteers were gathered around the bus, most of them saying goodbye to their hosts too. Mikasa saw Levi nod at Ren, who was waving at him. Yukio stood beside him, avoiding everyone’s gaze.

She waited until Levi had left before walking up to Ren. “Hey,”

“Hey,” Ren smiled at her. She noticed that he had one black eye, a bruised nose and a split lip. She quickly turned towards Jean, who had been watching her. When he caught her gaze, Jean looked away, pretending to whistle to himself.

“Sorry about the, um,” she gestured to injuries on his face.

Ren laughed. “Nah, I deserved it. It’s not as bad as it looks. Horseface is a lot weaker than he thinks he is.”

“I, um,” she said. “I said what I had to yesterday, but, uh, I don’t think I’ll see you again. So…goodbye, I guess. Good luck with, um, you know.” She glanced at Yukio.

Ren smiled at her. “Goodbye, Mikasa. I will miss you.”

“Get a room already,” Yukio muttered under his breath. Mikasa laughed.

“I’m going to miss you, Yukio,” she said, bending down so she was at his level. “I hope you’ll come visit me in Eldia someday.”

The little boy laughed scornfully. “Yeah right. That’ll happen when hell freezes over,” he said. “I hate Eldia and I hate you all.”

Mikasa could see that Ren was going to have his hands full.

She reached into her backpack and pulled something out. “I have something for you,” she said.

 _You keep it,_ Eren had insisted. _Give it away when you feel like you’re strong enough._

Wrapping the red scarf gently around his neck, she smiled at him. “Please keep this safe. It’s very important to me. I hope it brings you strength, like it did to me.”

Yukio picked up one end of the scarf and studied it. He looked at his Uncle Ren, who was smiling proudly, and then at Mikasa.

“Thanks, I guess,” he said. “At least now I have something to strangle my enemies with.”

Mikasa laughed again before shooting him a worried glance to check if he was joking. He continued to remain expressionless.

Standing up straight, she ruffled his hair and smiled at Ren for the last time before heading to the bus.

She stared out of the window the entire bus ride back, already sad to be leaving the country.

“Hey,” Connie, who had been sitting behind her, poked her in the shoulder. She turned around to find him standing up from his seat, peering down at her. “Sasha and I were just talking. If we had a reunion in Hizuru, four years later after we finished university, would you come?”

Mikasa thought hard. She had come to this country to find Eren and she was very sure he wasn’t going to be here in four years.

She thought of all the people she had met, who had changed her life. She thought of all the people who cared about her. She thought of Kiyomi and Nami and Yukio. She thought of Levi and Armin and Jean and Sasha and Connie. She thought of her mother and father.

“I’d love to,” she said.

Because she hadn’t slept the previous night, as soon as the plane took off, she rested her head on Jean’s shoulder and immediately drifted off to sleep. As she slept, she dreamt of bright green eyes, a red scarf, Hizuruan pancakes, a tsubaki flower and mysterious spirits in white robes.

She felt Jean stroke her hair and smiled in her sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read, gave kudos and commented. Shoutout to Kayness1901 for all the lovely comments and for guessing the plot twist three chapters in!
> 
> I <3 you all


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